michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com

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HOW YOU CAN INFLUENCE THE BALANCE IN YOUR LOVE BANK?

2019-05-15T19:12:14+00:00Connection, Love|

" This is a simple concept and yet many marriage problems come from people not implementing the concept. It’s not that people don’t know or understand how to do this – They just DON’T DO IT. THE LOVE BANK- Dr. Willard Harley Inside all of us is a Love Bank with accounts in the names of everyone we know. When these people are associated with our good feelings, "love units" are deposited into their accounts, and when they are associated with our bad feelings, love units are withdrawn. We are emotionally attracted to people with positive balances and repulsed by those with negative balances. This is the way our emotions [...]

How to Avoid Disconnect with your Spouse, using Emotional Intelligence

2019-05-10T19:25:27+00:00Emotion|

OOPS! Your Feelings are showing! Ever been in a conversation with your spouse and before you know it the tears are just flowing. Or their face turns red and the anger and escalation just pours out! Maybe the shoulders slump, the face goes down and now your partner is leaving the room in a hurry. Can you relate? What’s happening? In situations like these we usually are aware of the actions or behaviors our partners are exhibiting. But we rarely perceive the emotions that are being experienced, much less understand what is really taking place deeper inside our partner. Often while working with couples, as they process difficult experiences together, [...]

The First Hidden Secret of Great Communication

2019-04-17T19:52:03+00:00Attitude, Communication|

Last time we made these discoveries regarding couples engaging in great communication: (here are the Cliff Notes) Effective communication requires skills developed with practice and perfected through trial and error! Communication is real when there is win-win, and teamwork Effective communication is when we listen to and speak with the heart. We must allow the feelings of our spouse to “touch” us. Creating a sense of safety and openness builds trust in the relationship. The goal is to fully understand one another at the emotional level! Beginning communication with problem solving can be a waste of time We must learn to differentiate between issues and events   But there are [...]

The Hidden Secrets of Great Communication

2019-04-13T21:23:23+00:00Communication, Emotion|

Effective communication requires skills that are developed through practice, and that are perfected through trial and error!   Most couples who are having difficulties in their relationship feel their communication is the problem. But verbal communication is complex. Misunderstandings are common and normal. We all need patience and practice to become great communicators. Real communication happens when there is winning, and teamwork. Winning is finding and implementing solutions that both people can feel good about! This takes an open mind, good attitudes toward each other and plenty of sacrifice and compromise.  Do you consider you and your spouse a “team”?  If so, then day-to-day life is teamwork! Teamwork means there [...]

Is Intimacy more than Sex?

2019-04-06T00:32:40+00:00Intimacy, Sex|

In his book, Soul Cravings, Erwin Raphael, McManus writes: “Sex can be the most intimate and beautiful expression of love, but we are only lying to ourselves when we act as if sex is PROOF OF LOVE.  Too many men demand sex as proof of love; too many women have given sex in hopes of love.  We live in a world of users, where we abuse each other to dull the pain of aloneness.  We all long for intimacy, and physical contact can appear as intimacy, at least for a moment.” “Too many men have demanded sex as proof of love. Too many women have given sex in hopes of [...]

Communication: It’s the WORDS & the HOW

2019-04-03T14:25:18+00:00Attitude, Communication|

If you are like most couples, when you are having difficulties you say “We just aren’t communicating. Guess what? That is almost true. It is not that you’re not communicating. It is that the words you use toward each other, or don’t use, and how you use them that is the real culprit.   Susan and I recently led a pre-marital class at our church. One week we had been asked to discuss communication. And it ends up people really are interested and feel that it is a real problem. But what ended up as the focus of discussion in the class was not about the same old techniques, like [...]

Pathways to Emotional Denial or Emotional Health

2019-02-15T22:21:26+00:00Emotion, Identity|

Just the other day, I was wondering how I go from “something happening” to “getting mad”, at warp speed.  Do you ever feel this way?  Made me want to explore this lightening speed emotional roller coaster so maybe I could prevent saying or doing things that I regret later. So, I went to my immediate expert – Mike Dawson to talk about how this happens in our human brains and how, perhaps, understanding the process might help keep my foot out of my mouth… Mike explained the way the brain process works this way.  First you have an event, something that happens, then you think about how you’ll react to [...]

Change your Relationship Stress and Distress Levels on the Fly

2019-01-18T19:53:05+00:00Stress|

Last time we said our stress really comes in levels.  And, understanding our stress is important because when we are NOT aware of the levels of our distress, we can feel powerless over it. But we can influence some control over our mental and emotional state when we can subjectively measure it. Using a SUDS can help us keep distress levels in perspective. It is useful to have a way of measuring your level of distress or anxiety. You can then become more in touch with your feelings, and can control them more effectively.   100 Highest anxiety/distress that you have ever felt 90 Extremely anxious/distressed 80 Very anxious/distressed, unable [...]

6 Simple Exercises to Lower Stress Successfully

2019-01-11T15:31:50+00:00Stress|

How awareness of stress and distress can help you live and love more successfully- Part I  How well do you understand your own stress? Most people don’t consciously differentiate levels in their stress. It’s usually a clean dichotomy of “I’m really stressed,” or “I am totally calm.” But our stress really comes in levels and there are many shades of gray. So what’s the problem with a “black and white” understanding of our stress? When we are NOT aware of the levels of our stress, we tend to feel powerless over our stress; and We aren't aware we can influence some control over our own mental and emotional state. The reality [...]

Why You Need to Celebrate!

2019-04-17T20:08:10+00:00Connection|

What went well in your relationship with your spouse last week? Are you aware? Can you remember? I am giving myself a challenge this year to “practice what I preach.” And I am hoping you take that challenge with me. Recently Susan has been reading me a number of things from her 5 year journal of fun things we have done in the past. Places we have gone, fun things we have done with family or friends or important events that happened in our lives. It reminded me that we need to be aware of the good things in our lives. It also reminded me it is how I begin [...]

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