Ask anyone what great qualities a healthy relationship has in common and they will give you a list such as honesty, kindness, love, trust, commitment, fun, and many others. The majority would say there is nothing more important for a couple than their communication. As a matter of fact, couples having difficulties will tell you “we just don’t communicate.”
Communication is a broad topic, and it is really the quality and type of information that is most important and how you say it to each other. Remember: How you talk with each other will always be more important than what you talk about! Now there are communication tools and tricks galore, but what is one that stands out and that all the ‘masters of relationship’ have in common?
Here’s the Tip!
They Ask Great Questions. They are always learning more about their partners ‘inner world.’ We don’t get to know someone once and for all; we are always changing, growing, discovering, and even being transformed! We have life experiences that impact us and new relationships that come into our lives, or existing ones that thrive and continue to grow. But without inquiry into our partner’s changing life, we don’t get the true essence their person and character.
Some time back we introduced the “Movie Theater Attitude” to you and encouraged you to be ‘interested and curious’ toward your partner. This is a way to connect better, understand differences and issues, and know your partner better. The way friendships grow.
So why is asking good questions such an important quality of a great relationship?
- Great questions mean you care!
- Interest in your partner helps build trust; you are ‘present’, you support them, ‘have their back’.
- Being heard, understood and listened to makes us feel more accepted.
- Learning more about each other increases our knowledge of our partner.
- Being ‘known’ gives us a greater sense of being valued by others.
- Questions lead to creating greater meaning of the lives we share with others.
- They lead us to sharing our goals, hopes, aspirations.
- We can find out what our partner’s real worries, concerns and stresses are and then help them.
What are some examples of great questions?
- Can you tell me more about that?
- Why is this important to you?
- Is there some special meaning for you in this?
- What can I do for you that would help?
- What do you most need me to understand about this?
- How can I assist you in meeting your goal?
- How can I help?
- What are you feeling, thinking?
- How can I support you?
- What are you most looking forward to, excited about?
Great questions lead your partner to open up, encourage more conversation and engage more. They are also usually open ended questions, not yes/no answer questions.
If you want to take your communication and your relationship to the next level, get interested, curious, find out more.
