UNLOVED in your Most Important Relationship? Find HELP

“Most of mankind’s misery stems from feeling unloved.”

I read this quote the other day and felt a deep sense of sadness and the truth it conveys. So much of the pain, sorrow, and desperation we see revolves around feeling unloved. Under that heading of unloved comes these subheadings:

Unaccepted
Ashamed
Below
Hurt
Insecure
Angry
Less Than
Inferior
Worthless

These feelings of being unloved stem from a multitude of emotional injuries in our lives that may or may not get resolved. But there is always hope, and there are ways of addressing those feelings and being able to navigate relationships in a healthy way. However, it’s not an easy road, and it can be hard to find the inner fortitude to pursue that resolution.

The bottom line is that the injured person is the one who has to seek treatment and healing or they will not be healed. No one else on this planet can make them feel enough love, enough acceptance, safe enough, or worthy enough to be healed. They must pursue healing themselves.

How do you Heal?

Step 1:

If you’re the person who feels unloved, find a trusted friend or confidant and ask them to help you get professional help from a licensed counselor (LPC, LMFT, or other qualified specialists). If you live with or know the person who feels chronically unloved, help them find professional help. Discuss this with them at a time when they are in a good place emotionally and ask if they would get help. Assist in getting the first appointment made and possibly even take them to the appointment.

Step 2:

Continue with therapy and possibly even some supplement or prescription medication. Many times chemical imbalances in the brain can hinder healing. Time, possible medication, and counseling will help uncover and deal with past issues that are causing these feelings of worthlessness and being unloved.

Step 3:

Pray to God, the only giver of unconditional love, to reveal Himself to you and to understand how much He loves you.

Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Step 4:

Realize this can be a process. Deep hurts that cause this type of emotional injury usually happen over a long period of time and do not heal in a few visits. The people involved must be dedicated for an extended time period.

Step 5:

Celebrate the small wins along the way. Perhaps the hurt individual gets victory over one aspect of their emotional injury. Figure out a way to celebrate with them and rejoice that they are getting better. This will give them confidence and energy to continue.

HINT: Sometimes just getting to a therapy appointment is cause enough to celebrate.

When someone suffers emotional injuries over the course of time, each injury can become more traumatic the more that person is injured. What could have been a small blow to the ego (i.e. not getting a date to a middle school dance) over time, multiplies in significance. Each time the person is injured emotionally, that middle school dance incident escalates in significance. By the time they are an adult, the middle school dance instance is very high on the scale of hurt and pain. Neurobiology today has shown as time goes on, our memories of certain events change each time we recall them. So it is likely the emotions connected to the memory will become stronger and stronger.

Feeling unloved is a constant battle of manipulation of the mind to “keep everything together.” Not letting those who only know you socially see how much you are suffering is exhausting! But it’s also exhausting for those around you who try to affirm and care for your emotions.