A fairy tale is a short story that features fantasy, and usually has an “unusually blessed happy ending”.  Plus it’s a far-fetched story.

Let’s face it.

Anyone who has lived with a mother and father, or has been married knows that marriage is not a fairytale.  Scene from Princess Bride.

Many times, first time couples go into it thinking it is going to be all “roses” and beautiful sunsets. They may think they understanding that it can be difficult, however they just can’t see a vision for the reality of real life that will come their way. In other words, you don’t know, what you don’t know, until you know it. Those of us who have been in a marriage awhile would call that ignorance.

 And yet, people get married for a second or third time.  They believe the next relationship will be different and “happy.” Many times they say, “I just didn’t find the right person the first time, but this one will be different.”  I’m not sure what we call that, but here is a truth we do know:

A solid marriage relationship happens with intentionality and awareness, not with passivity.

They don’t just happen. No two people are going to meet and their circumstances and “happenings” just fit perfectly together for “happiness.” We can’t go on automatic. But many do just that.

We must:

  • Think and evaluate
  • Get knowledge and understanding
  • Learn tools and skills
  • Be flexible and
  • Make adjustments

Marriage is not a fantasy, nor a far-fetched story, but it can be IDEAL!

I tell couples often that I am a marriage “idealist.” My faith and belief is that each one of us is created by God.  Plus, marriage itself, was created by God, so it is inherently blessed.  Because it’s blessed we can rely on Him to give us everything we need to do it well. Marriage should be great. My experience shows me that marriage IS great and fulfilling.

But having an ideal relationship for you is going to be different than it is for me and Susan. Your ideal marriage is not going to look like someone else’s ideal marriage. “Ideal” has to do with satisfying your own idea of what is perfect or right for you! Two people make it what they want it to be!

Most important, when a couple decides to be intentional and work with each other in the areas that make marriages great, they little by little create that “ideal marriage” for themselves. They don’t go on automatic and they don’t just float through life believing they will arbitrarily find happiness.

Happiness in marriage is not found; it is designed intentionally.  You create an IDEAL marriage!

Be intentional, and get started on your IDEAL marriage.

How can we help?