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Know How to Maximize as a Couple when You have a Sprint Schedule

2019-09-18T17:47:59+00:00Care, Goals|

The tortoise and the hare children’s fable is familiar.  The hare opens with a sprint and uses his speed and agility to race the tortoise believing that his unique ability will lead to sure victory.  The tortoise’s abilities lie in moving through the race at the only pace he has, slow.  Because the hare uses all his energy to get ahead in the beginning, it’s his required rest that ends up causing him to lose the race.  The moral is “slow and steady wins the race”. Life in the 20th century seems to need both sprint and steady to accomplish the demands we have as couples.  Mike and I find [...]

Marriage Setbacks You Need to Know

2019-09-15T20:23:58+00:00Blame, Connection|

My dad had his private pilot's license when I was growing up and I was always fascinated and scared to death to fly with him.  He seemed unsure about different aspects of getting the plane off the ground.  My kid's memory pictures him covering his checklist 5 times where more experienced pilots were good with one run through.  He was a CPA, so every box needed to be checked and then double-checked.  I could have viewed this as a setback but because I expected it, it was annoyingly comforting. Listening to the tower and their instructions to change headings and altitude always seemed confusing.  I never really could understand what [...]

Is Your Brain or Body in Control when you Fight?

2019-09-28T22:36:38+00:00Emotion, Mental Health|

Emotional Flooding Might Sound Like: “We can’t even talk without a fight.” “I get so angry, I can’t see straight.” “It’s like we go from zero to sixty!” “I don’t even remember what our fight is about, but I know it was ridiculous.” Ever said these words or felt this way about your spouse or partner?   We hear from couples whose whole lives together have been characterized by these kinds of scenarios. What should just be a simple conversation or discussion becomes a fight. Couples begin to live like they are enemies and adversaries rather than friends and lovers. The problem is likely “Diffused Physiological Arousal” according to John [...]

Beware of Unfulfilled Needs that spur Couples to Fight

2019-09-05T22:10:00+00:00Conflict, Intimacy|

“Our lives are shaped by our desires.”-Thomas Merton All couples fight! We have heard it most of our lives. Therapists, self-help gurus, relationship professionals, and even pastors believe it is a natural part of a couple’s life together. It’s normal. Everyone does it.  WRONG!   Learn how to fight fair! Fighting fair to resolve conflict! 8 Commandments for fighting fair!   These are only a few of the titles of well-meaning books or blogs. For sure, all couples do have conflict. But think about the meaning of the word “fight”: a violent confrontation or struggle; to attempt to harm or gain power over an adversary by blows or with weapons. [...]

20 Ways to Cherish your Wife and make her Feel Amazing

2019-08-20T22:43:26+00:00Care|

Do you ever wish you’d paid it forward just a little more with your wife? Given a little more attention to that conversation or request for some help? Sometimes life gives you just that opportunity to cherish your wife and if you’re running a little short on inspiration, here’s your cheat sheet. If you’re a wife and want your hubby to read this, print the list and just leave it lying around. Maybe he’ll take the hint. Better yet, check out this blog, “20 Ways to Make Your Hubby Feel Loved and Respected”. Implement a few of those ideas and maybe he’ll come up with some of his own… This [...]

How to Safely Forgive my Spouse

2019-08-20T19:42:03+00:00Foregiveness, Relationships|

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Mahatma Gandhi To forgive is one of the hardest things we do. The process can be so misunderstood and yet it is so necessary. Why should I be forgiving when the other person is the one who has inflicted pain on me? A really good question! But first, let’s look at what it is and what forgiveness means. Webster's Definition of Forgiveness To give up resentment Stop being angry with Pardon Give up all claim to punish Overlook Cancel a debt Another way to look at forgiveness is to see it as a step toward re-establishing an [...]

15 Simple Ways to Reignite Your Love

2019-08-14T16:08:42+00:00Intimacy, Love|

When Mike and I met in college it was unusual circumstances.  His sister was a dorm mate of mine and introduced us the first time.  She gets credit for our meeting.  However, we didn’t get to know one another until a year later in a business fraternity.  It was passion at 2nd sight you might say. Remember When... Remember how it used to be when you and your spouse first fell in love.  We were so sweet and passionate about each other. The two of us would stay out for hours, walking across campus or sitting in the dorm lobby, just getting to know one another.  We talked about so [...]

Health Bonanza of True Marriage Happiness

2019-08-06T22:36:42+00:00Uncategorized|

I’m sure you have heard many times that wealth, fame and working harder really doesn’t lead to happiness. Most of us know that logically, although we continue to strive diligently for some of these. But, did you know “loneliness kills; that it is toxic to us?” Would you believe that living in a high conflict marriage is terrible for your health? Did you know a great deal of your brain health and functioning relies on you being in a good relationship? It actually “protects” your brain. The “clearest message” that came out of a 75-year Harvard study is that: “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.” Robert Waldinger directed [...]

Marriage How To Essentials for Relationship Safety

2019-08-02T13:46:32+00:00Care, Safety|

  We examined what a safe marriage might look or sound like; and what skills we can learn and practice to help that most important relationship in our lives. What if we are going to thrive? Our marriages or other close relationships must remain a safe environment. We aren’t talking about physical, but emotional and relational safety.  Evaluate Your Marriage  If you haven’t done this yet, evaluate how your marriage stacks up to what we said emotional and relational safety sounds like. Such as: My feelings, ideas, and concerns matter to my spouse We honor one another. Anger is not out of control. I don’t feel judged but understood. Discover [...]

What Lightning Bolts are you Ignoring in your Marriage?

2019-06-21T20:39:40+00:00Conflict, Emotion|

We recently had the wonderful family cruise, in the Eastern Caribbean.  There’s really nothing quite like spending quality time (with no electronics) with people you love.  But there was one experience that caught me off guard and may have been one of my most important (enlightening) experiences on the trip. STRANGE NOISES The last night of the cruise, Mike and I had laid down to go to sleep, bags packed, next day clothes and toothbrushes ready for early morning departure.  I was reading a bit before turning off the light and kept hearing this strange noise.  I couldn’t identify it AND it just kept happening.  There wasn’t really any rhythm [...]

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