Connected Marriage Blog

Conflict Happens. How will you and your spouse handle it?

2021-01-26T23:08:23+00:00Communication, Conflict|

We’ve said time and again that when it comes to communication in marriage, it is imperative that we truly listen and understand each other’s heart and then honor those inner needs and wants every day. Not only will we have a safe and connected marriage as a result, but we will easily handle conflict when it inevitably arises. But wait? If we are doing all of those things, conflict shouldn’t exist. Well, not necessarily. Conflict exists anytime two people interact, and it is not bad in and of itself. How you and your spouse handle it is the important part. So, to continue our ongoing discussion on positive communication, let’s [...]

Positive Communication: Intent vs. Impact

2021-01-26T22:25:05+00:00Communication, Connection|

Wouldn’t it be great to know that when you’re talking to your spouse, what you’re trying to say is received exactly how you intended? Of course, it would! Communicating would be so much easier — no miscommunications, no arguments, no need to over-explain yourself to a spouse who you swear must have heard you wrong. Perfect, Positive communication! But we all know that usually doesn’t happen. And why is that? It’s because you speak through, and your spouse listens through different filters. We all talk through and receive through our own filters, and they are governed by our: Some of our Communication Filters Individual personalities The way we communicate Previous [...]

How to be Assertive with Wants and Needs in Your Relationship

2021-01-19T23:18:08+00:00Attitude, Communication|

A dear friend shared with us recently that he and his wife had a significant breakthrough in improving their communication. They’ve been married for 15 years, and both of them love each other very much. But his wife — she’s the most selfless person you’d ever meet — struggled with being assertive. Rather than ask for what she wanted and needed from him and their relationship, she stayed quiet, assuming he’d read her mind. Here’s the problem: he’s not a mind-reader, no matter how much he adores her. He was clueless about what she wanted, and she started feeling like he simply didn’t care. It wasn’t until they sat down [...]

5 Principles of Positive Communication

2020-12-31T23:49:19+00:00Communication|

Positive Communication is vital in marriage. If you don’t believe us, please read the many couples blogs we’ve posted over the years. Communication is a pivotal thread in all of them, as this is how we get to know our spouse and truly hear what their heart wants and needs. Communication is also how we fall in love, work through problems, and know when to be there for each other. Without it, the opportunity to grow and achieve a safe and connected marriage is impossible.   Jimmy Evans is a pastor who has become an authority on the power of positive communication in marriage. While he echoes many of the [...]

What are the Labels I’m Stamping on My Spouse?

2020-12-31T20:35:31+00:00Assumptions, Expectations|

Sometimes, I wish I could crawl inside Susan’s head to see everything she’s thinking and feeling. I’m sure she’d say the same about me. But even after all these years of being happily married, we can’t completely know each other — and that’s OKAY! Let’s just say we keep each other on our toes! However, many couples become so desperate to “know” their spouse that they mind-read and unintentionally create negative labels (or schemas) that can really hurt a relationship. As we learned in a previous blog, many couples have expectations or assumptions about each other, and we carry those around for a very long time — to the point [...]

Are your “Marriage Attitudes” Building or Busting your Relationship?

2020-12-28T23:30:36+00:00Attitude, Communication|

They say it’s all about having the right attitude. A good attitude, whether it be toward work, life, or relationships, increases optimism, breeds success, improves communication, opens our hearts, and even helps eliminate worries and negative thinking. Basically, our attitudes dictate everything in our lives. And that includes — you guessed it — our marriage!   Having the right attitude about your marriage and your spouse, and then expressing those feelings verbally or through your actions keeps your heart open to each another every day and leads to the safe and connected marriage you deserve. There are many “right kinds of attitudes” to have if you’re going to have a [...]

Are your words working for or against your relationship?

2020-12-11T17:24:55+00:00Communication|

Everyone has heard this proverb: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I can remember my mother telling me that when other kids teased me on the playground, and occasionally, it made me feel better. As we get older, though, we realize that well-intentioned line isn’t really true. Words do matter. They have the power to hurt or build someone up. So I’ve got to ask you, are the words you use working for or against your relationship? Most couples experiencing problems in their marriage might say, “We just aren’t communicating.” The reality is that it is the words you use or don’t use [...]

How Could My Expectations set my Spouse up for Failure?

2020-11-23T22:37:26+00:00Communication, Expectations|

One thing I see with couples, regardless of whether they’re recently married or have been together for years, is that they build up quite a few expectations and assumptions about each other. While some of that is okay, the majority of those assumptions are unrealistic and lead to a greater chance of disappointment and frustration that will hurt the marriage. A perfect example is a story I like to tell about a newlywed couple who both come from very different backgrounds. The wife grew up in a family where her father was Mr. Fit It. It didn’t matter if a door latch was broken or the lawnmower wouldn’t start. He [...]

Why Offer Forgiveness to Those Who have Hurt You Deeply?

2020-11-18T22:56:14+00:00Foregiveness|

When your spouse hurt you for the first time or broke your trust, what did you feel? We bet it was sadness, pain, shock, anger, and an oversized truckload of betrayal. But when the dust settled, and cooler heads prevailed, they expressed remorse for their actions, apologized, and asked for your forgiveness. Or maybe even, it didn’t happen quite that way. Ah, yes — forgiveness. The one thing we know that we should do but somehow remains one of the hardest things to do. Does that mean we should do the whole “forgive and forget” thing? By forgiving our spouse, does that really help the pain go away? Why should [...]

5 Steps to Repair Hurtful or Damaging Interactions

2020-11-12T21:49:01+00:00Communication, Personal Responsibility|

Since August, each blog post we’ve written has been another chapter in a journey we are taking couples on: how to create healthier marriages. And boy, have we ever used a step-by-step approach to get you there, too. We preached to always start with the heart, then take personal responsibility, practice self-care and self-talk, add good things into your marriage, learn how our differences don’t have to divide us, and look into ways to reduce hurtful or damaging interactions.  Now we're on to Repair Hurtful or Damaging Interactions. We hope you found value in those tips and put them into practice. But the journey isn’t over. No matter how hard [...]

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