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6 Ways To Manage Emotions In A Relationship

2020-01-22T21:49:44+00:00Emotion, Relationships|

A friend confided in us recently that he was finding it increasingly difficult to deal with his wife’s emotions, which lately had more ups and downs than a rollercoaster. She’d get upset, whether it was because of him, the kids, or some outside force she expected him to know about and immediately empathize with, and he’d freeze like a deer in headlights. Sadly, he’d accuse her of being ultra-sensitive because, well, he just didn’t get what the problem was, and she’d leave the room in a huff. It was interesting that he brought all this up since we talk to couples all the time about how to manage emotions in [...]

5 Ways To Have A Safe And Connected Marriage

2020-01-16T17:19:47+00:00Relationships, Safety|

Having your heart broken because of a bad relationship is something all of us can relate to, right? Few experiences hurt more or last as long — especially when it happens more than once. And as much as we want to sit in a dark room and cry our eyes out while eating a tub of cookie dough…it does little to ease the pain. So what we end up doing is building these invisible emotional walls to protect our hearts. And sometimes, we carry those barriers into a marriage. Protecting ourselves from unsafe relationships is natural, but God created us to be open and intimate with each other. We must [...]

Powerful, Direction-Changing Results of Appreciation

2020-01-01T23:31:41+00:00Appreciation, Communication|

Every time we express appreciation to our spouse it: Builds Trust Creates Intimacy Opens up Communication Supports Mutual Sharing The Problem with Appreciation Appreciation is recognizing the great qualities in someone. But, there's a problem with appreciation. Unless you tell someone what you appreciate about them, it's ONLY A NICE THOUGHT. When you tell someone what you appreciate about them, that action becomes a force, enricher, and influencer in the relationship that can change the overall theme and direction. It's proven time again in Mike's practice, our work with married couples, and even our marriage. When you tell your spouse things you appreciate about them, it changes the rhythm of [...]

How to be Grateful for Opportunities vs. Overwhelmed by Responsibilities

2019-11-21T21:18:16+00:00Expectations, Focus|

Let’s be honest.  This time of year is hectic and you may be overwhelmed by responsibilities! Travel – Shopping – Cooking – Cleaning – Perfect Gifts – More guests in your home I get it.  A lot is going on, and the expectations of the season seem to grow each year.  Why do we let ourselves get sucked into this whirlwind of responsibilities? THINGS THAT SUCK US IN My family always made a huge deal of the holidays, and it wasn’t done right unless everyone was completely exhausted and broke at the beginning of the new year. As a kid, we didn’t have much, and now that I’m more financially [...]

15 Simple Ways to Reignite Your Love

2019-11-06T01:29:01+00:00Love, Relationships, Uncategorized|

When Mike and I met in college it was unusual circumstances.  His sister was a dorm mate of mine and introduced us the first time.  She gets credit for our meeting.  However, we didn’t get to know one another until a year later in a business fraternity.  It was lust at first sight and love at 2nd sight. WHEN YOU FIRST MET - REMEMBER!! It was magical when you and your spouse first fell in love.  As a couple, we were so sweet, passionate and patient with each other. Staying out for hours, walking across campus or sitting in the dorm lobby, just getting to know one another.  We talked [...]

How to Guide for Authentic Couples to Embrace Emotions

2019-10-31T19:36:36+00:00Emotion, Relationships|

Understandably, many are not necessarily on board with the emotional intelligence wave we keep hearing about, and we keep writing about too! I certainly believe there is a place for adapting and adjusting to what life throws at you. We all must do that. Embracing emotions and being OK with the pain attached to the difficult times in our lives helps us live our lives to the fullest, protect our relationships, connect with others, and deal with conflict appropriately. When we embrace emotions, we: Manage Conflict Better while we Embrace Emotions James 4:1 tells us the reason we fight is because of our "desires that battle within." We all have legitimate desires [...]

Know How to Maximize as a Couple when You have a Sprint Schedule

2019-09-18T17:47:59+00:00Care, Goals|

The tortoise and the hare children’s fable is familiar.  The hare opens with a sprint and uses his speed and agility to race the tortoise believing that his unique ability will lead to sure victory.  The tortoise’s abilities lie in moving through the race at the only pace he has, slow.  Because the hare uses all his energy to get ahead in the beginning, it’s his required rest that ends up causing him to lose the race.  The moral is “slow and steady wins the race”. Life in the 20th century seems to need both sprint and steady to accomplish the demands we have as couples.  Mike and I find [...]

Marriage Setbacks You Need to Know

2019-09-15T20:23:58+00:00Blame, Connection|

My dad had his private pilot's license when I was growing up and I was always fascinated and scared to death to fly with him.  He seemed unsure about different aspects of getting the plane off the ground.  My kid's memory pictures him covering his checklist 5 times where more experienced pilots were good with one run through.  He was a CPA, so every box needed to be checked and then double-checked.  I could have viewed this as a setback but because I expected it, it was annoyingly comforting. Listening to the tower and their instructions to change headings and altitude always seemed confusing.  I never really could understand what [...]

Is Your Brain or Body in Control when you Fight?

2019-09-28T22:36:38+00:00Emotion, Mental Health|

Emotional Flooding Might Sound Like: “We can’t even talk without a fight.” “I get so angry, I can’t see straight.” “It’s like we go from zero to sixty!” “I don’t even remember what our fight is about, but I know it was ridiculous.” Ever said these words or felt this way about your spouse or partner?   We hear from couples whose whole lives together have been characterized by these kinds of scenarios. What should just be a simple conversation or discussion becomes a fight. Couples begin to live like they are enemies and adversaries rather than friends and lovers. The problem is likely “Diffused Physiological Arousal” according to John [...]

Beware of Unfulfilled Needs that spur Couples to Fight

2019-09-05T22:10:00+00:00Conflict, Intimacy|

“Our lives are shaped by our desires.”-Thomas Merton All couples fight! We have heard it most of our lives. Therapists, self-help gurus, relationship professionals, and even pastors believe it is a natural part of a couple’s life together. It’s normal. Everyone does it.  WRONG!   Learn how to fight fair! Fighting fair to resolve conflict! 8 Commandments for fighting fair!   These are only a few of the titles of well-meaning books or blogs. For sure, all couples do have conflict. But think about the meaning of the word “fight”: a violent confrontation or struggle; to attempt to harm or gain power over an adversary by blows or with weapons. [...]

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