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So far michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com has created 167 blog entries.

Flooding-What is it and why is it so damaging to my Marriage?

2020-10-15T19:59:42+00:00Emotion, Flood|

We know what anger is. It’s our most volatile emotion. And while it’s natural to experience it, the damaging effects of too much anger (hurtful words, screaming, demeaning actions, aggressiveness, etc.) in our marriage can last for years and trigger intense emotions that sometimes lead to flooding. But wait. What is flooding, and why is it so damaging? You may not know the term flooding — yet! But in 70% of couples today, one or the other floods in the middle of conflict. This is very important because it is a fight or flight response to anger, which will only hurt our marriage more.   “I’ve had just about all [...]

How to have stress-reducing conversations: Removing Negative Things From Your Marriage

2020-10-12T13:02:55+00:00Communication, Conflict|

One thing many couples struggle with is knowing how to handle the stresses of life together. Granted, there are a lot of stressors out there — job loss, finances, horrible bosses, and chronic illness or injury being just a few. But just when you’d think we’d turn to our spouse for stress-reducing conversations, we don’t. Instead of talking, sharing, listening, and empathizing, we yell, argue, take our stress out on each other, and say hateful things in the heat of the moment.  There is a lack of stress-reducing conversations. We’ve all been there, right? The initial reaction for one spouse is to lash out, which isn’t the answer. The other [...]

Removing Negative Things From Your Marriage: The Power Of One

2020-10-07T00:15:18+00:00Care, Control|

Have you ever noticed that you spend so much time putting good things back into your marriage that you forget to do anything about the bad stuff that was already there? Of course not! Putting positive things in — generosity, fun, love, respect, etc. — should cancel out the negative stuff. Right? Well, not exactly. As much as we preach putting positive things into your marriage, it’s not enough. For every good thing that goes in, something bad must come out.  That's the Power of One - You have the ability to do this on your own. The good news is that we are here to help get you there [...]

Putting good things into your marriage: Rituals of Connection

2020-09-21T22:38:42+00:00Connection, Emotion|

Every couple and each marriage are unique. But having worked with and spoken to as many married couples as we have over the years, it is clear that the ones who are at their absolute happiest together — the ones who are continually putting good things into their marriage — share a lot of striking similarities and rituals of connection that ultimately help them feel safe and connected.   Display a healthy amount of fondness and admiration for one another.   Are in love and look for ways to have fun together.   They have more heart talk than work talk.   Meeting each other’s emotional needs is paramount to [...]

Putting good things into your marriage: Fondness and admiration, heart and emotional talk, meeting emotional needs

2020-09-22T18:27:20+00:00Care, Emotion|

As a counselor, I see love mainly through our actions and the words we use to show someone value and importance. In other words, it’s all about putting forth the effort — putting good things into your marriage. We can scream to the mountaintops that we love someone, but if the behaviors (fondness and admiration) don’t match or are non-existent, then their needs won’t be met. Our needs won’t be met, either. And if that happens, our sense of being in love diminishes. And, well, no one wants that, right?   We started a blog conversation two weeks ago to share different ways to create and maintain healthy marriages. The [...]

Putting good things into your marriage: Love and Respect, Appreciation and Gratitude, Treasure and Serve

2020-09-17T00:57:42+00:00Love, Respect|

Have you ever heard the term, stagnant marriage? It’s when things in your relationship no longer feel exciting and fresh. It’s not that you don’t love one another. But, you’re both kinda just … there. This is normal, by the way — we just need to find a way to snap out of it. But how do we do that? As we learned last week, you have to keep putting good things into your marriage. Whether that be small acts of kindness like texting, “I love you,” speaking each other’s love language, or doing something fun like reenacting your first date, we have to constantly show how important we are [...]

Putting good things into your marriage: Love and Fun

2020-08-31T22:37:58+00:00Love|

We’ve all heard the saying that you never stop working on your house. As pretty and perfect as it is, there is always something to add or improve as the years go by — upgrade the landscaping, re-paint a bedroom, remodel the kitchen, add a patio cover or a pool, fix stuff, etc. And just when we finish one thing, a new one takes its place. Wait! Why are we talking about houses? Because they are a great analogy for relationships. We should always be putting good things into our marriage, too — whether our lives together couldn’t be any more perfect or it’s time to look at how to [...]

When was the last time you did a status check on your self-talk?

2020-09-04T12:06:50+00:00Self-Talk|

How has your self-talk been lately? Yes, that self-talk — where you talk about yourself to yourself, either aloud or silently. It’s okay; you don’t have to be ashamed. We all talk to ourselves. In fact, I just had some inner dialogue with myself a few minutes ago. But is your self-talk positive, affirming, and uplifting, or are you negative most of the time?    Many of us are pretty critical with our self-talk. Consider the following inner statements:    “I’m not good enough to be in the same room with these people. I don’t belong here.”    “My opinion doesn’t matter. No one cares about me.”    “I really don’t know why my wife stays married to me. I’m inadequate.”    [...]

Self-care and the benefits in your marriage

2020-08-19T21:31:25+00:00Self-Care|

Some of you might remember an earlier post on The Fear Dance. It showed how fear not only keeps us from feeling emotionally safe in our marriage but also how easy it is to be too dependent on others for our happiness and fulfillment. We see it all the time — one spouse starts this unhealthy cycle, and the other follows. Well, as I was writing on self-care and the benefits it has for your marriage, it dawned on me how perfect a segue that previous post is for this conversation.   You may hear self-care and think, “That sounds selfish.” Well, yes and no. Being selfish means making others’ [...]

Taking personal responsibility for your thoughts and behaviors

2020-08-12T18:41:31+00:00Heart, Personal Responsibility|

As we learned last week, the first thing couples should do when they’re having issues in their relationship is to start with the heart. After all, the heart is the center of everything we do, feel, think, and desire — it should be honored and treasured. The next logical step then is to take personal responsibility for our thoughts and behaviors.   Taking personal responsibility might sound obvious on paper, but how often have you been in a heated argument and focused all your energy, anger, and emotions on what your spouse is doing or not doing? The answer is all the time!   “She started it!”  “I can’t believe [...]

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