Build a Blueprint for Positive Marriage Outlook

2018-11-15T16:25:43+00:00Communication, Uncategorized|

What’s your framework for your overall feelings, thoughts and outlook for your spouse? Do you have an underlying, pattern that you attribute to them most often? Is it mostly positive, or is it generally negative?   We cannot “get into” other people’s minds and we never completely know or understand them. And so, we watch them from the outside. We listen, observe their actions and attitudes and remember certain things about them. We develop patterns and summary conclusions and file away how we see them so that we get a psychological understanding of them. It’s a summary combination of feelings and thoughts about what that person thinks, feels, their attitudes [...]

Astonishing Power of a Safe Marriage

2018-09-28T06:31:42+00:00Communication, Safety|

A safe relationship. You might not know exactly what I mean by safety, but I bet you know what an unsafe relationship feels like. Do you have THAT person in your mind? The person that makes you feel scared, closed off, or even unimportant? Is that unsafe person your spouse? If so, ok, we have work to do. Hang in there. If that unsafe person is not your spouse, hang in too. There is a huge opportunity to learn and practice some skills that will help other relationships in your life AND protect your marriage. If you are going to thrive, your marriage must remain as a safe environment. What [...]

News to Me: Respect is More Important Than Communication


We all have moments of disagreement, conflict, misunderstanding and lack of communication.  If you can dig down and get to the underlying reason for disagreement or conflict many times, it’s about how we didn’t communicate well enough. Our spouse or significant other didn’t really understand and hear what we were trying to tell them. Miscommunication and misunderstanding are often blamed when a couple gets divorced, separated, or even just starts to head down the path to a disconnected and less than satisfying relationship. However, in a recent study of 1500 people who have been happily married for more than 20 years, they cited mutual RESPECT as the reason for their [...]

Practical and Unparalleled Steps on How to Care for Your Spouse

2018-08-31T15:15:39+00:00Care, Communication|

Emotional disconnection or disengagement in relationships happens when there is an lack of positive actions, attitudes and affection toward the partners. In other words, caring is not there. It’s this gradual feeling of growing apart. A loss of the sense of closeness between the couple. And one or both don’t feel loved and appreciated. This sense of not feeling cared for by your spouse is usually a drift that happens when couples are unresponsive or emotionally unavailable to one another. They don’t seem, or act, like close friends and don’t make many moves toward their partner to “soothe” them when things are difficult. So, how do I take practical actions [...]

How to Trim Tech for Terrific Couple Connection

2018-08-25T01:09:45+00:00Communication, Connection|

I was recently working on a blog for Mike.  We were finding a picture to portray couples who connect and communicate well with each other. So I searched our photo software using “connected couples.” Wow, that was an eye-opener. 90% of the pictures that came back were couples using electronics together. It seems, that at least in the eyes of the photographer or according to the ones who define the photo’s “search words” that “connected” couples are connected by technology. While that is true in a technical sense, we know that people do not find true relational connection by using their phone.  Either while at the dinner table or sitting [...]

5 More Top Themes Great Relationships Have in Common

2018-08-03T22:54:08+00:00Communication, Connection|

Last week we said that all couples share lots of similarities when it comes to conflicts and problems in their connected relationships. Couples fall into the same types of habits over time. In part one we looked at 5 of the top themes that couples who are in stable, happy relationships have in common, they: • Are not “ok with fighting” • Don’t fall into the “communication traps” • Have “safe” relationships • Talk and try to understand at a “deeper level” • “Repair” miscommunications or arguments Let’s take a look at some more of the positive patterns or themes couples demonstrate when they maintain close, connected relationships with one [...]

5 Themes Connected Relationships Share

2018-07-27T18:22:39+00:00Communication, Connection|

It is fascinating how many similarities we all share when it comes to conflicts and problems in relationships. Couples fall into the same types of habits over time. Of course, all couples are unique in some respects due to the various situations and events they have encountered throughout their time together. But our natural “humanity” seems to group these patterns of conflict together. Rather than show the common mistakes couples make, let’s take a look at the positive side; the patterns or themes couples demonstrate when they maintain close, connected relationships with one another. Couples in stable, happy relationships:  Are not “ok with fighting” […]

Where are your “Green Chairs” – Place of Connection


About 15 years ago, Susan’s parents were redecorating their home. They remodeled and bought new furniture and generally made some great improvements. That’s where the “green chairs” come in. I was welcome in their cozy home even before I started dating Susan, and as long as I had been there they had always had this pair of not-quite-neon-green chairs. They were truly fantastic! Wide, soft, comfortable chairs that you just wanted to camp out in. And so we did! Often! After we got married and moved away, we would travel back to their home for quick weekend getaways or vacations. We would sit together in those chairs enjoying the quiet [...]

10 Surprising Ways to Increase Romance

2018-07-14T14:01:52+00:00Communication, Intimacy|

Romance is an interesting word. It conjures up all kinds of thoughts for both men and women: candlelight, soft music, longing looks. Some might even think of a walk in the park or a bike ride together. But no matter how you see it, romance is really the act of pursuing each other; it’s a longing to be with someone and acting in a way that makes that person desire to be with you. Romance before marriage is usually pretty easy—there were no kids to distract you, no pressures of finances to fight over, no annoying habits to live with. After marriage, these things start to eat away at your longing [...]

Opting out of Relationship Paradigms

2018-07-06T14:31:43+00:00Communication, Goals|

When was the last time you said to your spouse, “You sound just like your Mom, or You sound just like your Dad.”  Now listen to how you just “said” that in your head. Doing this can tell you a lot about what you think regarding your In-laws relationship.  If you said that with a loving sigh, “You sound just like….. (sigh)” then your in-laws, more than likely have a fairly good relationship.  However if it was a critical and snarky inter-cranial comment then you may not care for how your in-laws do some parts of their marriage. Break the Habits & Opt Out So how do you keep from repeating [...]

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