Communication

Conflict Happens. How will you and your spouse handle it?

2021-01-26T23:08:23+00:00Communication, Conflict|

We’ve said time and again that when it comes to communication in marriage, it is imperative that we truly listen and understand each other’s heart and then honor those inner needs and wants every day. Not only will we have a safe and connected marriage as a result, but we will easily handle conflict when it inevitably arises. But wait? If we are doing all of those things, conflict shouldn’t exist. Well, not necessarily. Conflict exists anytime two people interact, and it is not bad in and of itself. How you and your spouse handle it is the important part. So, to continue our ongoing discussion on positive communication, let’s [...]

Positive Communication: Intent vs. Impact

2021-01-26T22:25:05+00:00Communication, Connection|

Wouldn’t it be great to know that when you’re talking to your spouse, what you’re trying to say is received exactly how you intended? Of course, it would! Communicating would be so much easier — no miscommunications, no arguments, no need to over-explain yourself to a spouse who you swear must have heard you wrong. Perfect, Positive communication! But we all know that usually doesn’t happen. And why is that? It’s because you speak through, and your spouse listens through different filters. We all talk through and receive through our own filters, and they are governed by our: Some of our Communication Filters Individual personalities The way we communicate Previous [...]

How to be Assertive with Wants and Needs in Your Relationship

2021-01-19T23:18:08+00:00Attitude, Communication|

A dear friend shared with us recently that he and his wife had a significant breakthrough in improving their communication. They’ve been married for 15 years, and both of them love each other very much. But his wife — she’s the most selfless person you’d ever meet — struggled with being assertive. Rather than ask for what she wanted and needed from him and their relationship, she stayed quiet, assuming he’d read her mind. Here’s the problem: he’s not a mind-reader, no matter how much he adores her. He was clueless about what she wanted, and she started feeling like he simply didn’t care. It wasn’t until they sat down [...]

5 Principles of Positive Communication

2020-12-31T23:49:19+00:00Communication|

Positive Communication is vital in marriage. If you don’t believe us, please read the many couples blogs we’ve posted over the years. Communication is a pivotal thread in all of them, as this is how we get to know our spouse and truly hear what their heart wants and needs. Communication is also how we fall in love, work through problems, and know when to be there for each other. Without it, the opportunity to grow and achieve a safe and connected marriage is impossible.   Jimmy Evans is a pastor who has become an authority on the power of positive communication in marriage. While he echoes many of the [...]

Are your “Marriage Attitudes” Building or Busting your Relationship?

2020-12-28T23:30:36+00:00Attitude, Communication|

They say it’s all about having the right attitude. A good attitude, whether it be toward work, life, or relationships, increases optimism, breeds success, improves communication, opens our hearts, and even helps eliminate worries and negative thinking. Basically, our attitudes dictate everything in our lives. And that includes — you guessed it — our marriage!   Having the right attitude about your marriage and your spouse, and then expressing those feelings verbally or through your actions keeps your heart open to each another every day and leads to the safe and connected marriage you deserve. There are many “right kinds of attitudes” to have if you’re going to have a [...]

Are your words working for or against your relationship?

2020-12-11T17:24:55+00:00Communication|

Everyone has heard this proverb: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I can remember my mother telling me that when other kids teased me on the playground, and occasionally, it made me feel better. As we get older, though, we realize that well-intentioned line isn’t really true. Words do matter. They have the power to hurt or build someone up. So I’ve got to ask you, are the words you use working for or against your relationship? Most couples experiencing problems in their marriage might say, “We just aren’t communicating.” The reality is that it is the words you use or don’t use [...]

How Could My Expectations set my Spouse up for Failure?

2020-11-23T22:37:26+00:00Communication, Expectations|

One thing I see with couples, regardless of whether they’re recently married or have been together for years, is that they build up quite a few expectations and assumptions about each other. While some of that is okay, the majority of those assumptions are unrealistic and lead to a greater chance of disappointment and frustration that will hurt the marriage. A perfect example is a story I like to tell about a newlywed couple who both come from very different backgrounds. The wife grew up in a family where her father was Mr. Fit It. It didn’t matter if a door latch was broken or the lawnmower wouldn’t start. He [...]

5 Steps to Repair Hurtful or Damaging Interactions

2020-11-12T21:49:01+00:00Communication, Personal Responsibility|

Since August, each blog post we’ve written has been another chapter in a journey we are taking couples on: how to create healthier marriages. And boy, have we ever used a step-by-step approach to get you there, too. We preached to always start with the heart, then take personal responsibility, practice self-care and self-talk, add good things into your marriage, learn how our differences don’t have to divide us, and look into ways to reduce hurtful or damaging interactions.  Now we're on to Repair Hurtful or Damaging Interactions. We hope you found value in those tips and put them into practice. But the journey isn’t over. No matter how hard [...]

Soft Start vs. Harsh Start and Improving Your Interactions

2020-11-03T22:33:50+00:00Communication, Conflict|

A wife is sitting on the couch as her husband walks in the front door after being at the golf course all day. Before he can speak, she says, “You are always golfing with your friends! I’ve been home alone all day, and you didn’t call once.” Naturally, the husband feels attacked — even though he knows she’s right — and an argument ensues. Sound familiar? Of course it does. But is there a better way of handling this? Absolutely. It’s a little something called soft start vs. harsh start.   Soft start vs. harsh start are two ways to go about getting your point across when you’re upset. But [...]

How to have stress-reducing conversations: Removing Negative Things From Your Marriage

2020-10-12T13:02:55+00:00Communication, Conflict|

One thing many couples struggle with is knowing how to handle the stresses of life together. Granted, there are a lot of stressors out there — job loss, finances, horrible bosses, and chronic illness or injury being just a few. But just when you’d think we’d turn to our spouse for stress-reducing conversations, we don’t. Instead of talking, sharing, listening, and empathizing, we yell, argue, take our stress out on each other, and say hateful things in the heat of the moment.  There is a lack of stress-reducing conversations. We’ve all been there, right? The initial reaction for one spouse is to lash out, which isn’t the answer. The other [...]

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