Emotion

Is Your Brain or Body in Control when you Fight?

2019-09-28T22:36:38+00:00Emotion, Mental Health|

Emotional Flooding Might Sound Like: “We can’t even talk without a fight.” “I get so angry, I can’t see straight.” “It’s like we go from zero to sixty!” “I don’t even remember what our fight is about, but I know it was ridiculous.” Ever said these words or felt this way about your spouse or partner?   We hear from couples whose whole lives together have been characterized by these kinds of scenarios. What should just be a simple conversation or discussion becomes a fight. Couples begin to live like they are enemies and adversaries rather than friends and lovers. The problem is likely “Diffused Physiological Arousal” according to John [...]

What Lightning Bolts are you Ignoring in your Marriage?

2019-06-21T20:39:40+00:00Conflict, Emotion|

We recently had the wonderful family cruise, in the Eastern Caribbean.  There’s really nothing quite like spending quality time (with no electronics) with people you love.  But there was one experience that caught me off guard and may have been one of my most important (enlightening) experiences on the trip. STRANGE NOISES The last night of the cruise, Mike and I had laid down to go to sleep, bags packed, next day clothes and toothbrushes ready for early morning departure.  I was reading a bit before turning off the light and kept hearing this strange noise.  I couldn’t identify it AND it just kept happening.  There wasn’t really any rhythm [...]

3 Habits that may be Stressing out your Spouse

2019-06-21T20:00:28+00:00Emotion, Stress|

Dana thought that her husband Phil was much more generous with his ex-wife than he’d ever been with her.  Although Dana and Phil had been married for several years, Dana worried that Phil just didn’t love her and she felt like a second-class-citizen.  In her mind, she’d just never been treated as well as Phil’s ex.  Dana felt angry.  But instead of bringing this worry up to Phil in a calm and non-threatening way or even just blasting him with her feelings of being less than, she kept her mouth shut, to avoid making the situation worse. Dana believed that she knew exactly what Phil was thinking and had made [...]

How to Avoid Disconnect with your Spouse, using Emotional Intelligence

2019-05-10T19:25:27+00:00Emotion|

OOPS! Your Feelings are showing! Ever been in a conversation with your spouse and before you know it the tears are just flowing. Or their face turns red and the anger and escalation just pours out! Maybe the shoulders slump, the face goes down and now your partner is leaving the room in a hurry. Can you relate? What’s happening? In situations like these we usually are aware of the actions or behaviors our partners are exhibiting. But we rarely perceive the emotions that are being experienced, much less understand what is really taking place deeper inside our partner. Often while working with couples, as they process difficult experiences together, [...]

The Hidden Secrets of Great Communication

2019-04-13T21:23:23+00:00Communication, Emotion|

Effective communication requires skills that are developed through practice, and that are perfected through trial and error!   Most couples who are having difficulties in their relationship feel their communication is the problem. But verbal communication is complex. Misunderstandings are common and normal. We all need patience and practice to become great communicators. Real communication happens when there is winning, and teamwork. Winning is finding and implementing solutions that both people can feel good about! This takes an open mind, good attitudes toward each other and plenty of sacrifice and compromise.  Do you consider you and your spouse a “team”?  If so, then day-to-day life is teamwork! Teamwork means there [...]

Pathways to Emotional Denial or Emotional Health

2019-02-15T22:21:26+00:00Emotion, Identity|

Just the other day, I was wondering how I go from “something happening” to “getting mad”, at warp speed.  Do you ever feel this way?  Made me want to explore this lightening speed emotional roller coaster so maybe I could prevent saying or doing things that I regret later. So, I went to my immediate expert – Mike Dawson to talk about how this happens in our human brains and how, perhaps, understanding the process might help keep my foot out of my mouth… Mike explained the way the brain process works this way.  First you have an event, something that happens, then you think about how you’ll react to [...]

10 Question Quiz for Emotional Intelligence or EQ?

2018-09-29T22:38:33+00:00Emotion|

Do you ever wonder, “Could I be better at what I do daily?  Is there a way for me to get ahead in life that won’t take a year of therapy?”  Possibly…. Below is a 10 question quiz which will give you an idea of the skills of Emotional Intelligence.  This is not a comprehensive picture but merely a beginning.  The subject is vast – many books have been written on this subject (also called EQ).  These questions were designed by the author of Emotional Intelligence – A Practical Guide, David Walton.  I found it fascinating and hope you do to.  This could be the “Get Ahead Ticket” you’re looking [...]

Turning Regret Into Gratitude

2018-06-29T12:08:56+00:00Emotion|

“It’s not joy that makes us grateful, its gratitude that makes us joyful.” Ever have regrets? Carry them around with you all the time? But, what about the value of your regrets? Value of regret?  If you are like most of us, regrets usually lead us toward a foul mood. They make us feel like a failure, and it is hard to take our minds off of the negative circumstances and events that we now regret. Regret tends to make us focus on ourselves and becomes self-condemning, that feeling of being a failure. When we focus on our performance, it is easier for us to look for ways to improve [...]

Watch out! Anger is on the Loose.

2018-05-25T19:30:13+00:00Anger, Emotion|

A common occurrence in many couples or family interactions is anger. We generally think of it as a behavior more than an emotion. But anger is, first of all, an emotion and one that we ALL experience at one time or another. We have said it before. It is important to differentiate between the feeling of anger and the expression and behavior of anger! This feeling is also a reaction to a perceived threat. It is not just a single emotion but ranges on a continuum from annoyed, frustrated, upset, irate, furious, and enraged. In addition to a wide description of emotions, it also has many other characteristics. Definitions of [...]

There’s A World of Difference Between Throwing a Tantrum and Having Anger

2018-05-11T18:24:36+00:00Control, Emotion|

We’ve all experienced these scenes of emotion. This makes me feel extremely uncomfortable since I’m the gal who is always trying to make everything peaceful so people will get along. Blog from Seth Godin – A note to the customer who just had a meltdown. Or the bride without a perfect wedding. Perhaps the rental car customer who had to wait twenty minutes. To the boss who’s furious that the delivery wasn’t as promised. We heard you. We, as in the people you were seeking to impact, and we as in the rest of us as well, the innocent bystanders. Actually, we heard you the first time. Ever since then, [...]

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