Emotion

Emotional Intelligence: Emotional Understanding vs. Problem-Solving

2020-07-30T01:08:36+00:00Conflict, Emotion|

Everyone wants to be better at problem-solving. After all, it’s what helps drive effective communication — at work, with friends, and as couples. Many couples I see in my practice definitely want to problem solve. And yes, they do need solutions for their issues and problems; we all want those things in our lives.   While I do want to help them with problems, I’m really trying to teach people how to improve their emotional understanding.   This might surprise you, but problem-solving is the last thing I do. Starting with problem-solving is a waste of time!   Starting anywhere except attending to emotions will derail you most of the time [...]

Emotional Intelligence: Are you stressing out you and your spouse?

2020-07-20T19:18:52+00:00Emotion, Stress|

Let’s say a problem has come up in your marriage. It could be anything — your spouse isn’t 100% truthful about something, or you’re beginning to feel like your spouse doesn’t love you anymore. Regardless of how big or small the issue, it’s getting to the point where you’re withdrawing emotionally. And naturally, it’s stressing out you and your spouse. Do you keep your mouth shut? Or do you finally say something?  Stressing out you and your spouse! Most of us would like to believe we’d say something. After all, it’s the only way to get all our feelings and emotions on the table to see if the situation is [...]

Would you ROCK an emotional intelligence pop quiz?

2020-07-16T00:28:37+00:00Communication, Emotion|

If you ask any woman how well she thinks she’d do on an emotional intelligence pop quiz, she’d probably say, “Ha! I imagine I’d score somewhere near the top.” Ask her husband the same thing, and he’d likely say, “Contrary to popular belief, guys are more emotionally intelligent than you think. And that includes me.” Great! So let’s find out! Oh, wait — you mean there’s a quiz for that? Yes! There’s actually several. We published an emotional intelligence pop quiz a few years ago on our blog and included it again in this post. If you’ve taken it before, let’s see what’s changed. If this is your first time, [...]

Emotional intelligence and why we need more in our marriage

2020-07-08T00:34:25+00:00Emotion|

Raise your hand if you did a double-take when you heard the term emotional intelligence for the first time. I mean, who can be emotional and intelligent at the same time, especially when you consider emotions travel at warp speed? One minute, everything is fine between you and your spouse, and the next, she’s crying, you’re yelling, and neither of you has a clue what just happened, whose fault it is, or the wherewithal to understand where each other is coming from. While emotional intelligence sounds foreign, the importance of it is more obvious than you think. Emotional intelligence is the ability to make your emotions work for you rather [...]

Healthy Marriage Patterns: Mastering Emotional Communication

2020-05-28T22:59:18+00:00Emotion, Heart|

We've covered a lot of ground on unhealthy marriage patterns in our last few blog posts. From introducing you to the fear dance to understanding the good and bad of building walls and the importance of genuinely caring for your spouse, we've learned that it's critical to break negative cycles — both as individuals and couples — to have a healthy marriage. At the heart of this entire conversation is the determining factor in our ability to make healthy choices — the ability or inability to understand each other and be better at emotional communication fully.   Emotions are the Voice of the Heart We love the saying above from [...]

Unhealthy Marriage Patterns: You Can end the Damaging Fear Dance

2020-05-10T18:43:33+00:00Emotion, Fear|

While sitting down to write this post about unhealthy marriage patterns, I was reminded of a movie scene where an overweight man was lamenting how big he had gotten. He said, “I eat because I’m unhappy, and I’m unhappy because I eat. It’s a vicious cycle.” I bring this up because, as humans, we have a tendency to fall into all sorts of cycles or patterns in everyday life — many of which are not only damaging but can feel never-ending. A perfect example of an unhealthy marriage pattern is the damaging fear dance. As couples, we fall into well-worn patterns when our fear button gets pushed. We’ve written a [...]

Does Being in Love Come from the Brain or Heart?

2020-01-30T22:34:12+00:00Emotion, Heart|

Most people don’t think about what is happening in their brains when they are in love. It’s all about the heart, right? After all, Cupid doesn’t shoot an arrow at your brain on Valentine’s Day — he points it at your heart! And everything that happens when you are in love, as your heart races and the mere sight of that special someone takes your breath away, can only be described as a giant ball of feel-good emotions. So, it’s natural that anyone with a brain would shout HEART if asked, “does being in love come from the brain or heart?” Do you really know why and how you love [...]

6 Ways To Manage Emotions In A Relationship

2020-01-22T21:49:44+00:00Emotion, Relationships|

A friend confided in us recently that he was finding it increasingly difficult to deal with his wife’s emotions, which lately had more ups and downs than a rollercoaster. She’d get upset, whether it was because of him, the kids, or some outside force she expected him to know about and immediately empathize with, and he’d freeze like a deer in headlights. Sadly, he’d accuse her of being ultra-sensitive because, well, he just didn’t get what the problem was, and she’d leave the room in a huff. It was interesting that he brought all this up since we talk to couples all the time about how to manage emotions in [...]

How to Guide for Authentic Couples to Embrace Emotions

2019-10-31T19:36:36+00:00Emotion, Relationships|

Understandably, many are not necessarily on board with the emotional intelligence wave we keep hearing about, and we keep writing about too! I certainly believe there is a place for adapting and adjusting to what life throws at you. We all must do that. Embracing emotions and being OK with the pain attached to the difficult times in our lives helps us live our lives to the fullest, protect our relationships, connect with others, and deal with conflict appropriately. When we embrace emotions, we: Manage Conflict Better while we Embrace Emotions James 4:1 tells us the reason we fight is because of our "desires that battle within." We all have legitimate desires [...]

Is Your Brain or Body in Control when you Fight?

2020-03-30T23:34:30+00:00Emotion, Flood, Mental Health|

Emotional Flooding Might Sound Like: “We can’t even talk without a fight.” “I get so angry, I can’t see straight.” “It’s like we go from zero to sixty!” “I don’t even remember what our fight is about, but I know it was ridiculous.” Ever said these words or felt this way about your spouse or partner?   We hear from couples whose whole lives together have been characterized by these kinds of scenarios. What should just be a simple conversation or discussion becomes a fight. Couples begin to live like they are enemies and adversaries rather than friends and lovers. The problem is likely “Diffused Physiological Arousal” according to John [...]

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