Connected Couples Need a Movie Theater Attitude

2021-08-29T19:07:51+00:00Attitude, Connection|

Susan and I love going out to the movie theater together. But it never ceases to amaze us how differently we view what we watched. We were in the same theater. We both saw the same actors on screen. The script was the same, and more often than not, we leave the theater with that “good movie feeling.” And yet, it’s almost always for different reasons.  It's all about our movie theater attitude. “That was great!” I’ll say excitedly. “It was full of action and suspense.” “Wait?! What movie did you just watch?” Susan says with her adorable laugh. “I thought it was romantic but also sad.” Has this ever [...]

Simple Ways We Supercharge Connection in Our Marriage

2021-08-29T18:09:46+00:00Connection|

Susan and I have been married for 39 years! Thank you. Thank you; we’ll hold for the applause! In all seriousness, though, we believe marriage is important. And we think it’s important because God began by the connection of a man and a woman together to fulfill His purpose for this earth and this life. We also believe marriage is the most powerful earthly relationship we can have — we need to be united and connected. To that end, I always ask my couples to tell me their “why.” In other words, what was it that attracted you to your spouse? What were the characteristics about each other that made [...]

Compromise isn’t giving up my way – It’s Making our Relationship Great!

2021-02-18T20:50:06+00:00Connection, Control|

Susan and I believe there is a misconception among couples about the term “compromise.” They think it means they have to meet in the middle every time and that each will give up a lot of things to make that happen. As a result, they can’t help but look at compromise as a bad word. How they get there just … feels … yucky — and everyone loses. Honestly, folks, compromise shouldn’t be that way! You have needs. I have needs. We have needs together! So, let’s compromise! A compromise (or compromising) should be a win-win for both the husband and wife. It’s where both of you feel good about [...]

Positive Communication: Intent vs. Impact

2021-01-26T22:25:05+00:00Communication, Connection|

Wouldn’t it be great to know that when you’re talking to your spouse, what you’re trying to say is received exactly how you intended? Of course, it would! Communicating would be so much easier — no miscommunications, no arguments, no need to over-explain yourself to a spouse who you swear must have heard you wrong. Perfect, Positive communication! But we all know that usually doesn’t happen. And why is that? It’s because you speak through, and your spouse listens through different filters. We all talk through and receive through our own filters, and they are governed by our: Some of our Communication Filters Individual personalities The way we communicate Previous [...]

Putting good things into your marriage: Rituals of Connection

2020-09-21T22:38:42+00:00Connection, Emotion|

Every couple and each marriage are unique. But having worked with and spoken to as many married couples as we have over the years, it is clear that the ones who are at their absolute happiest together — the ones who are continually putting good things into their marriage — share a lot of striking similarities and rituals of connection that ultimately help them feel safe and connected.   Display a healthy amount of fondness and admiration for one another.   Are in love and look for ways to have fun together.   They have more heart talk than work talk.   Meeting each other’s emotional needs is paramount to [...]

Unhealthy Marriage Patterns: Building Walls

2020-05-11T14:43:59+00:00Connection, Safety|

If we asked Superman to stand in front of a brick wall and tell us who is on the other side, he could easily use his X-ray vision to see straight through, right? He’d be able to tell us all sorts of details, too, from something as simple as what that person looks like to quickly discerning if they are happy, sad, scared, or even in danger. And if necessary, he could break through the wall to help them. But what if we put you in front of the same wall? Could you match Superman’s feat?   Of course not! And in this scenario, you’d be okay with that. After [...]

Marriage Setbacks You Need to Know

2019-09-15T20:23:58+00:00Blame, Connection|

My dad had his private pilot's license when I was growing up and I was always fascinated and scared to death to fly with him.  He seemed unsure about different aspects of getting the plane off the ground.  My kid's memory pictures him covering his checklist 5 times where more experienced pilots were good with one run through.  He was a CPA, so every box needed to be checked and then double-checked.  I could have viewed this as a setback but because I expected it, it was annoyingly comforting. Listening to the tower and their instructions to change headings and altitude always seemed confusing.  I never really could understand what [...]

HOW YOU CAN INFLUENCE THE BALANCE IN YOUR LOVE BANK?

2019-05-15T19:12:14+00:00Connection, Love|

" This is a simple concept and yet many marriage problems come from people not implementing the concept. It’s not that people don’t know or understand how to do this – They just DON’T DO IT. THE LOVE BANK- Dr. Willard Harley Inside all of us is a Love Bank with accounts in the names of everyone we know. When these people are associated with our good feelings, "love units" are deposited into their accounts, and when they are associated with our bad feelings, love units are withdrawn. We are emotionally attracted to people with positive balances and repulsed by those with negative balances. This is the way our emotions [...]

Why You Need to Celebrate!

2019-04-17T20:08:10+00:00Connection|

What went well in your relationship with your spouse last week? Are you aware? Can you remember? I am giving myself a challenge this year to “practice what I preach.” And I am hoping you take that challenge with me. Recently Susan has been reading me a number of things from her 5 year journal of fun things we have done in the past. Places we have gone, fun things we have done with family or friends or important events that happened in our lives. It reminded me that we need to be aware of the good things in our lives. It also reminded me it is how I begin [...]

How to Trim Tech for Terrific Couple Connection

2019-11-10T22:21:33+00:00Communication, Connection|

I was recently working on a blog for Mike.  We were finding a picture to portray couples who connect and communicate well with each other. So I searched our photo software using “couple connection.” Wow, that was an eye-opener. 90% of the pictures that came back were couples using electronics together. It seems, that at least in the eyes of photographers or according to the ones who define the photo’s “search words” that “connected” couples are connected by technology. While that is true in a technical sense, we know that people do not find true relational connection by using their phone or iPad.  Either while at the dinner table or [...]

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