Generosity can Predict your Marriage Success!

2021-09-05T19:11:55+00:00Attitude, Generosity|

Close your eyes and take a few seconds to think about a wonderfully generous gesture your spouse has done for you. Was it the time they offered to give you a little back rub while watching the evening news? How about that time they got up early and grabbed you your favorite latte from Starbucks? Or, they saved the last slice of pizza for you? How did this small act of generosity make you feel inside? Did it make you feel loved … accepted … warm … cherished … valued? Generosity has that effect on all of us, right? Through our actions — even the smallest of gestures like the [...]

Connected Couples Need a Movie Theater Attitude

2021-08-29T19:07:51+00:00Attitude, Connection|

Susan and I love going out to the movie theater together. But it never ceases to amaze us how differently we view what we watched. We were in the same theater. We both saw the same actors on screen. The script was the same, and more often than not, we leave the theater with that “good movie feeling.” And yet, it’s almost always for different reasons.  It's all about our movie theater attitude. “That was great!” I’ll say excitedly. “It was full of action and suspense.” “Wait?! What movie did you just watch?” Susan says with her adorable laugh. “I thought it was romantic but also sad.” Has this ever [...]

Our attitudes and How they Effect our Hearing Correctly

2021-03-03T16:41:05+00:00Attitude|

At some point, your spouse will come to you during a conversation or an argument and say, “you’re not listening to me!” The odds are high that it’s already happened to you a time or two.  These situations are confusing because you swear you heard every single word they just said.  But are you hearing correctly?   You were listening! But — were you hearing correctly? Many times, we think we are hearing our spouse communicate their feelings and desires when we really aren’t. And usually, what is standing in the way of good communication is our attitudes. As we wrote a few weeks ago, a good attitude, whether it [...]

Destructive vs. Constructive conflict styles

2021-03-03T16:00:14+00:00Attitude, Conflict|

If you haven’t had a chance to read our blog post from last month on conflict, we suggest you and your spouse take a quick gander. After all, conflict exists anytime two people interact. Even between the best of couples — it’s inevitable. The trick is how we handle it, which brings us to today’s topic on destructive vs. constructive conflict styles. Simply put, how we process or deal with conflict can make or break positive communication in a marriage.   Do you want to minimize issues or work through them? Conflict generally arises when our desires are blocked or hindered by someone or something. Maybe it has to do [...]

How to be Assertive with Wants and Needs in Your Relationship

2021-01-19T23:18:08+00:00Attitude, Communication|

A dear friend shared with us recently that he and his wife had a significant breakthrough in improving their communication. They’ve been married for 15 years, and both of them love each other very much. But his wife — she’s the most selfless person you’d ever meet — struggled with being assertive. Rather than ask for what she wanted and needed from him and their relationship, she stayed quiet, assuming he’d read her mind. Here’s the problem: he’s not a mind-reader, no matter how much he adores her. He was clueless about what she wanted, and she started feeling like he simply didn’t care. It wasn’t until they sat down [...]

Are your “Marriage Attitudes” Building or Busting your Relationship?

2020-12-28T23:30:36+00:00Attitude, Communication|

They say it’s all about having the right attitude. A good attitude, whether it be toward work, life, or relationships, increases optimism, breeds success, improves communication, opens our hearts, and even helps eliminate worries and negative thinking. Basically, our attitudes dictate everything in our lives. And that includes — you guessed it — our marriage!   Having the right attitude about your marriage and your spouse, and then expressing those feelings verbally or through your actions keeps your heart open to each another every day and leads to the safe and connected marriage you deserve. There are many “right kinds of attitudes” to have if you’re going to have a [...]

How to avoid hateful words and attitudes with your spouse

2020-11-02T23:20:27+00:00Attitude, Conflict|

Last week with the election just days away we talked about not letting our differences divide us. How we should be okay with us all being different and to learn to accept our partners for who they are and honor their differences. The election itself is over, but how did you do?  Did you honor one another? Or did the conflict go a different direction? When couples don’t see eye to eye on a particular issue, it is so easy to fall into the trap of using harmful words and attitudes to get their point across. Don’t believe us? Just think of all the times you’ve said these things to [...]

We all need a little more gratitude in our life

2020-06-21T23:28:18+00:00Attitude, Perspective|

Did you know that most research shows that we have about three times as many positive experiences in our lives than negative ones? It seems difficult to imagine, especially with everything that’s going on right now with COVID-19 and other global issues that drag us down. But it’s true. And yet, we tend to always focus on the negative. You do it. I do it. We all do it. But why? Many would say it’s because we have not created a culture of appreciation and gratitude in our life. Instead of focusing on all the bad things, we should be scanning our world for what is going good and make [...]

The First Hidden Secret of Great Communication

2019-04-17T19:52:03+00:00Attitude, Communication|

Last time we made these discoveries regarding couples engaging in great communication: (here are the Cliff Notes) Effective communication requires skills developed with practice and perfected through trial and error! Communication is real when there is win-win, and teamwork Effective communication is when we listen to and speak with the heart. We must allow the feelings of our spouse to “touch” us. Creating a sense of safety and openness builds trust in the relationship. The goal is to fully understand one another at the emotional level! Beginning communication with problem solving can be a waste of time We must learn to differentiate between issues and events   But there are [...]

Communication: It’s the WORDS & the HOW

2019-04-03T14:25:18+00:00Attitude, Communication|

If you are like most couples, when you are having difficulties you say “We just aren’t communicating. Guess what? That is almost true. It is not that you’re not communicating. It is that the words you use toward each other, or don’t use, and how you use them that is the real culprit.   Susan and I recently led a pre-marital class at our church. One week we had been asked to discuss communication. And it ends up people really are interested and feel that it is a real problem. But what ended up as the focus of discussion in the class was not about the same old techniques, like [...]

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