They say it’s all about having the right attitude. A good attitude, whether it be toward work, life, or relationships, increases optimism, breeds success, improves communication, opens our hearts, and even helps eliminate worries and negative thinking. Basically, our attitudes dictate everything in our lives. And that includes — you guessed it — our marriage!
Having the right attitude about your marriage and your spouse, and then expressing those feelings verbally or through your actions keeps your heart open to each another every day and leads to the safe and connected marriage you deserve.
There are many “right kinds of attitudes” to have if you’re going to have a great marriage. Let’s talk briefly about a few.
Which ones do you possess?
THE ATTITUDE OF:
Treasuring your spouse
God sees us as his creation, his children, and his treasure. We should view our spouse as our treasure. Your attitude every day should be to protect their heart, protect them, and cherish them as we would a very valuable treasure. We are gentle with how we treat them and how we speak to them.
I offer and respond to their request for my involvement, whether it’s for simple tasks such as picking the kids up from school a few days a week to larger needs such as being there through difficult times. I know when to be in each other’s space and are willing to honor boundaries just as easily. Our attitude should be to understand, encourage, and assist.
Honoring your spouse
Much like how we should treasure our spouse, another attitude that promotes a great marriage is the ability to honor. This is a conscious decision to place my spouse in a position of high value, worth, and importance. We speak their love language, encourage them by using the right words, and we adjust our perception to see them as God sees them.
“The person is always more important than the task”
Life is busy. As a result, we easily get caught up in a bunch of stuff that can pull us away from our loved ones and hurt them in the process. A good attitude to have is to be mindful that no matter how busy I am, and regardless of how much I’m trying to accomplish, those things are never more important than my spouse. I can express this by pulling myself away from work, stopping what I’m doing to listen to what my spouse needs at that moment.
Speaking of what my spouse needs at that moment, recognizing the importance of being “in the moment” and “present” is a great attitude to have toward your marriage. Couples could be in the same room with each other for an hour and never interact — almost as the other person doesn’t exist. Involve each other, carry on conversations, be emotionally present, ask your spouse if they want to be included in what you are doing. Be present.
You get it, life can be stressful. And in the moment it can be easy to miscommunicate and misunderstand our partner. But the attitude of generosity means I make the most positive assumptions about my partner. I extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of the ones we love.
Seeing with the heart
We’ve written quite a bit about matters of the heart in previous blogs. This includes diving into what every heart desires and asking ourselves if we listen enough to our spouse’s heart when it’s talking to us. If we’ve learned anything from those conversations, it’s that the heart should be the unequivocal starting point when we are having difficulties in our marriage.
Having a completely emotionally safe marriage
I should be able to tell my spouse anything. I should feel safe to discuss what hurts me and what my fears are, and completely trust that they will handle that information sensitively.
There is no such thing as win-lose in marriage relationships. It’s either win-win or lose-lose. You express this attitude by constantly looking for ways to find a solution that both of you can feel good about.
What we’re saying is that our attitudes mean everything — especially in our marriage. If you are thinking correctly about your partner and seeing them from the right perspective every day, your heart will be more open toward them.
Our heart is devoted to caring about people and marriages!
Our heart is devoted to caring about people. We want to ensure you have the tools to communicate better in your marriage. The best way we know how to do that is by spreading the word to more people and let them know that we are here.
Did we leave anything out? What are your attitudes toward your spouse? How have you learned to keep your attitudes positive? Please send us a quick email and help us keep this conversation going. mike@MikeandSusanDawson.com.