Safety

Unhealthy Marriage Patterns: Building Walls

2020-05-11T14:43:59+00:00Connection, Safety|

If we asked Superman to stand in front of a brick wall and tell us who is on the other side, he could easily use his X-ray vision to see straight through, right? He’d be able to tell us all sorts of details, too, from something as simple as what that person looks like to quickly discerning if they are happy, sad, scared, or even in danger. And if necessary, he could break through the wall to help them. But what if we put you in front of the same wall? Could you match Superman’s feat?   Of course not! And in this scenario, you’d be okay with that. After [...]

What is ‘trust’ in a marriage?

2020-04-15T22:17:25+00:00Safety, Trust|

My wife, Susan, and I trust each other. Granted, she may not always be able to trust me to take out the trash, and maybe I can’t necessarily trust her to pick out a television show we both want to watch on a chill Friday night at home. But when it comes to the important stuff in our marriage — what makes us both feel safe, connected, honored, valued, and loved — we trust each other implicitly. I trust that she’s there for me, and she trusts that I’m always there for her. This is a small snippet of what counselors like me mean when we talk about trust in [...]

Boundaries and Safe People: How they go together

2020-04-09T22:06:40+00:00boundaries, Safety|

Now that we have learned what boundaries are, how to set them, and their importance in terms of helping us feel safe and connected in our marriage, there’s one more thing to discuss: knowing the difference between safe and unsafe people and how boundaries and safe people go together.   We’re betting you read that sentence and said, “Well, Mike and Susan, I think I can tell the difference between a safe person and an unsafe one pretty easily.” We bet you can, too! But true character discernment — knowing who is good for us and who isn’t — can only be accomplished after you’ve established boundaries. It is then, [...]

Relationship Boundaries and Safety: How they go together

2020-04-01T00:09:27+00:00boundaries, Safety|

So, you’ve been reading our recent blog posts on boundaries and finally worked up the courage to pull your spouse aside to set a few long-overdue guard-rails. You were calm but firm, you were specific, you expressed why these limits are important to you as an individual, and the best part — your spouse was 100% receptive. Congrats!! Now the big question: have you noticed how safe your marriage is because you set those boundaries?  How do Boundaries and Safety Criss Cross?   God created us to be open and intimate with each other, so our focus is always on creating safe environments for ourselves and our spouse. But until [...]

Boundaries and why they are essential for your marriage

2020-03-13T15:27:14+00:00Communication, Safety|

I didn’t realize before I became a marriage counselor how many couples don’t have boundaries. Don’t get me wrong; everyone has boundaries. But in marriage, we tend to overlook their importance. We think our spouse is supposed to know our needs and wants already, or we feel having boundaries creates unhealthy walls in our marriage. On the contrary, all healthy relationships have boundaries. And it is our ability to communicate what those boundaries are — and our spouse’s ability to respect them — that keep us from allowing unhealthy feelings or actions into our relationships. Boundaries keep the good in and the bad out This is the first in a [...]

5 Ways To Have A Safe And Connected Marriage

2020-01-16T17:19:47+00:00Relationships, Safety|

Having your heart broken because of a bad relationship is something all of us can relate to, right? Few experiences hurt more or last as long — especially when it happens more than once. And as much as we want to sit in a dark room and cry our eyes out while eating a tub of cookie dough…it does little to ease the pain. So what we end up doing is building these invisible emotional walls to protect our hearts. And sometimes, we carry those barriers into a marriage. Protecting ourselves from unsafe relationships is natural, but God created us to be open and intimate with each other. We must [...]

Marriage How To Essentials for Relationship Safety

2019-08-02T13:46:32+00:00Care, Safety|

  We examined what a safe marriage might look or sound like; and what skills we can learn and practice to help that most important relationship in our lives. What if we are going to thrive? Our marriages or other close relationships must remain a safe environment. We aren’t talking about physical, but emotional and relational safety.  Evaluate Your Marriage  If you haven’t done this yet, evaluate how your marriage stacks up to what we said emotional and relational safety sounds like. Such as: My feelings, ideas, and concerns matter to my spouse We honor one another. Anger is not out of control. I don’t feel judged but understood. Discover [...]

5 Ultimate Steps to Emotional Safety in Your Marriage

2018-09-29T21:42:04+00:00Safety|

Last time we examined what a safe relationship might look or sound like; and what skills we can learn and practice to help the relationships in our lives. That if we are going to thrive, our marriages or other close relationships must remain a safe environment. This focus we are talking about is not physical, but emotional and relational safety. If you haven’t already, go back and evaluate what we said emotional and relational safety sounds like. Such as: My feelings, ideas, and concerns matter. We honor one another. Anger is not out of control. I don’t feel judgment, but understanding and compassion. Discover together what you do, or don’t [...]

Astonishing Power and Benefits of a Safe Marriage

2019-07-25T00:42:38+00:00Communication, Safety|

A safe relationship. You might not know exactly what I mean by safety, but I bet you know what an unsafe relationship feels like. Do you have THAT person in your mind? The person that makes you feel scared, closed off, or even unimportant? Is that unsafe person your spouse? If so, ok, we have work to do. Hang in there. If that unsafe person is not your spouse, hang in too. There is a huge opportunity to learn and practice some skills that will help other relationships in your life AND protect your marriage. If you are going to thrive, your marriage must remain as a safe environment. What [...]

5 Steps to Relational Safety

2018-01-30T15:58:40+00:00Relationships, Safety|

Last time we examined what a safe relationship might look or sound like; and what skills we can learn and practice to help the relationships in our lives. That if we are going to thrive, our marriages or other close relationships must remain a safe environment. This focus we are talking about is not physical, but emotional and relational safety. If you haven’t already, go back and evaluate what we said emotional and relational safety sounds like. Such as: My feelings, ideas, and concerns matter. We honor one another. Anger is not out of control. I don’t feel judgment, but understanding and compassion. Discover together what you do, or don’t [...]

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