Apologize Even When You’ve Done Nothing Wrong!


I had a friend who approached her husband with an issue not too long ago. She related to me she was calm, kind, communicated well and “did everything right.” She said he got defensive and said he was hurt by what she said to him. And so of course, then they proceeded to argue. “What else could I have done? I just don’t know how to talk to him sometimes.” My answer was: “Well, did you apologize? “What?” “Did you apologize? Did you say you were sorry?’ “What? Why would I do that? I didn’t do anything wrong!” I said, “could you just say you were sorry his feelings were [...]

Build a Blueprint for Positive Marriage Outlook


What’s your framework for your overall feelings, thoughts and outlook for your spouse? Do you have an underlying, pattern that you attribute to them most often? Is it mostly positive, or is it generally negative?   We cannot “get into” other people’s minds and we never completely know or understand them. And so, we watch them from the outside. We listen, observe their actions and attitudes and remember certain things about them. We develop patterns and summary conclusions and file away how we see them so that we get a psychological understanding of them. It’s a summary combination of feelings and thoughts about what that person thinks, feels, their attitudes [...]

Are YOU Robbing Yourself of Today by Worrying about the Future?


Does it feel like you spend all of your time planning for the future? The next vacation Downsizing after the kids leave A job promotion or the next job Saving for the kids’ college education Retirement Traveling Long-term healthcare My mind and time seem to revolve around this future focus a lot. I’m not saying planning is bad, it’s necessary. But sometimes it seems to preoccupy my entire focus. Or I end up trying to fix a past mistake. That’s another circle of thought in which I can get trapped. How could I have done that better? What lesson did I miss in childhood that would have kept me from [...]

10 Question Quiz for Emotional Intelligence or EQ?


Do you ever wonder, “Could I be better at what I do daily?  Is there a way for me to get ahead in life that won’t take a year of therapy?”  Possibly…. Below is a 10 question quiz which will give you an idea of the skills of Emotional Intelligence.  This is not a comprehensive picture but merely a beginning.  The subject is vast – many books have been written on this subject (also called EQ).  These questions were designed by the author of Emotional Intelligence – A Practical Guide, David Walton.  I found it fascinating and hope you do to.  This could be the “Get Ahead Ticket” you’re looking [...]

5 Ultimate Steps to Emotional Safety in Your Marriage


Last time we examined what a safe relationship might look or sound like; and what skills we can learn and practice to help the relationships in our lives. That if we are going to thrive, our marriages or other close relationships must remain a safe environment. This focus we are talking about is not physical, but emotional and relational safety. If you haven’t already, go back and evaluate what we said emotional and relational safety sounds like. Such as: My feelings, ideas, and concerns matter. We honor one another. Anger is not out of control. I don’t feel judgment, but understanding and compassion. Discover together what you do, or don’t [...]

Astonishing Power of a Safe Marriage

2018-09-28T06:31:42+00:00Communication, Safety|

A safe relationship. You might not know exactly what I mean by safety, but I bet you know what an unsafe relationship feels like. Do you have THAT person in your mind? The person that makes you feel scared, closed off, or even unimportant? Is that unsafe person your spouse? If so, ok, we have work to do. Hang in there. If that unsafe person is not your spouse, hang in too. There is a huge opportunity to learn and practice some skills that will help other relationships in your life AND protect your marriage. If you are going to thrive, your marriage must remain as a safe environment. What [...]

News to Me: Respect is More Important Than Communication


We all have moments of disagreement, conflict, misunderstanding and lack of communication.  If you can dig down and get to the underlying reason for disagreement or conflict many times, it’s about how we didn’t communicate well enough. Our spouse or significant other didn’t really understand and hear what we were trying to tell them. Miscommunication and misunderstanding are often blamed when a couple gets divorced, separated, or even just starts to head down the path to a disconnected and less than satisfying relationship. However, in a recent study of 1500 people who have been happily married for more than 20 years, they cited mutual RESPECT as the reason for their [...]

Falling Back Into Love

2018-09-06T23:24:28+00:00Hope, Love|

How often have your heard someone say, “I love him/her, but I’m not IN love anymore”? Or, maybe you’ve said this, and have gone through these thoughts and feelings yourself. Did you know that this is a common experience that many couples have in their marriage? Seasons like this can feel hopeless. And while we are in this state, because our feelings seem so strong, our emotions seem like the only truth; we can’t grasp that our feelings might and in fact can change. We cannot even picture being in love with this person again. It feels like and seems like our love is lost and it cannot be regained. [...]

Practical and Unparalleled Steps on How to Care for Your Spouse

2018-08-31T15:15:39+00:00Care, Communication|

Emotional disconnection or disengagement in relationships happens when there is an lack of positive actions, attitudes and affection toward the partners. In other words, caring is not there. It’s this gradual feeling of growing apart. A loss of the sense of closeness between the couple. And one or both don’t feel loved and appreciated. This sense of not feeling cared for by your spouse is usually a drift that happens when couples are unresponsive or emotionally unavailable to one another. They don’t seem, or act, like close friends and don’t make many moves toward their partner to “soothe” them when things are difficult. So, how do I take practical actions [...]

How to Trim Tech for Terrific Couple Connection

2018-08-25T01:09:45+00:00Communication, Connection|

I was recently working on a blog for Mike.  We were finding a picture to portray couples who connect and communicate well with each other. So I searched our photo software using “connected couples.” Wow, that was an eye-opener. 90% of the pictures that came back were couples using electronics together. It seems, that at least in the eyes of the photographer or according to the ones who define the photo’s “search words” that “connected” couples are connected by technology. While that is true in a technical sense, we know that people do not find true relational connection by using their phone.  Either while at the dinner table or sitting [...]

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