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3 Habits that may be Stressing out your Spouse

2019-06-21T20:00:28+00:00Emotion, Stress|

Dana thought that her husband Phil was much more generous with his ex-wife than he’d ever been with her.  Although Dana and Phil had been married for several years, Dana worried that Phil just didn’t love her and she felt like a second-class-citizen.  In her mind, she’d just never been treated as well as Phil’s ex.  Dana felt angry.  But instead of bringing this worry up to Phil in a calm and non-threatening way or even just blasting him with her feelings of being less than, she kept her mouth shut, to avoid making the situation worse. Dana believed that she knew exactly what Phil was thinking and had made [...]

3 Boosters for Better Mental Health

2019-05-31T21:45:40+00:00Mental Health|

Characteristics of Mental Health Mental health is more than just the absence of mental illness. It includes how you feel about yourself and how you adjust to life events. However, the National Mental Health Association cites 10 characteristics of people who are mentally healthy. They feel good about themselves most of the time Usually, they do not become overwhelmed by emotions, such as fear, anger, love, jealousy, guilt, or anxiety. Have lasting and satisfying personal relationships. Feel comfortable with other people. Can laugh at themselves and with others. Have respect for themselves and for others even if there are differences. Able to accept life’s disappointments. Can meet life’s demands and [...]

5 Habits for Good Mental Health

2019-05-31T18:24:12+00:00Mental Health, Uncategorized|

Good mental health! It’s a statement we hear quite often, but the reality of what really constitutes it is sometimes illusive. For most of us, the interplay of our thinking, emotions and behaviors must be taken into account for good mental health. It is often our misunderstanding of the interaction of these three that can cause some conflict, confusion, or distress.   People’s thoughts and perceptions of events or words strongly influence their emotions and behaviors.   It is not a situation or one conversation that determines how we feel, but the way we interpret or give it meaning. Most of us relate how we feel about events, things and [...]

Is my Self-Focus Hurting my Marriage?

2019-05-24T13:36:24+00:00Identity|

There’s so much focus today on meeting our own needs and wants that it’s easy to get wrapped up in making sure that I’m taken care of.  Most people I know wouldn’t tell me they are self-centered, but it creeps into my life and self-centeredness can get out of balance in a hurry.  It’s a struggle to keep stability between self and self-centered.  Just what are differences and similarities of my “self?” Self-Centered We can all struggle with making everything about “me” and how it effects “my” life. So, let’s look at some of the characteristics of being self-centered. I talk about myself all the time and exaggerate about how [...]

HOW YOU CAN INFLUENCE THE BALANCE IN YOUR LOVE BANK?

2019-05-15T19:12:14+00:00Connection, Love|

" This is a simple concept and yet many marriage problems come from people not implementing the concept. It’s not that people don’t know or understand how to do this – They just DON’T DO IT. THE LOVE BANK- Dr. Willard Harley Inside all of us is a Love Bank with accounts in the names of everyone we know. When these people are associated with our good feelings, "love units" are deposited into their accounts, and when they are associated with our bad feelings, love units are withdrawn. We are emotionally attracted to people with positive balances and repulsed by those with negative balances. This is the way our emotions [...]

How to Avoid Disconnect with your Spouse, using Emotional Intelligence

2019-05-10T19:25:27+00:00Emotion|

OOPS! Your Feelings are showing! Ever been in a conversation with your spouse and before you know it the tears are just flowing. Or their face turns red and the anger and escalation just pours out! Maybe the shoulders slump, the face goes down and now your partner is leaving the room in a hurry. Can you relate? What’s happening? In situations like these we usually are aware of the actions or behaviors our partners are exhibiting. But we rarely perceive the emotions that are being experienced, much less understand what is really taking place deeper inside our partner. Often while working with couples, as they process difficult experiences together, [...]

The First Hidden Secret of Great Communication

2019-04-17T19:52:03+00:00Attitude, Communication|

Last time we made these discoveries regarding couples engaging in great communication: (here are the Cliff Notes) Effective communication requires skills developed with practice and perfected through trial and error! Communication is real when there is win-win, and teamwork Effective communication is when we listen to and speak with the heart. We must allow the feelings of our spouse to “touch” us. Creating a sense of safety and openness builds trust in the relationship. The goal is to fully understand one another at the emotional level! Beginning communication with problem solving can be a waste of time We must learn to differentiate between issues and events   But there are [...]

The Hidden Secrets of Great Communication

2019-04-13T21:23:23+00:00Communication, Emotion|

Effective communication requires skills that are developed through practice, and that are perfected through trial and error!   Most couples who are having difficulties in their relationship feel their communication is the problem. But verbal communication is complex. Misunderstandings are common and normal. We all need patience and practice to become great communicators. Real communication happens when there is winning, and teamwork. Winning is finding and implementing solutions that both people can feel good about! This takes an open mind, good attitudes toward each other and plenty of sacrifice and compromise.  Do you consider you and your spouse a “team”?  If so, then day-to-day life is teamwork! Teamwork means there [...]

Is Intimacy more than Sex?

2019-04-06T00:32:40+00:00Intimacy, Sex|

In his book, Soul Cravings, Erwin Raphael, McManus writes: “Sex can be the most intimate and beautiful expression of love, but we are only lying to ourselves when we act as if sex is PROOF OF LOVE.  Too many men demand sex as proof of love; too many women have given sex in hopes of love.  We live in a world of users, where we abuse each other to dull the pain of aloneness.  We all long for intimacy, and physical contact can appear as intimacy, at least for a moment.” “Too many men have demanded sex as proof of love. Too many women have given sex in hopes of [...]

Communication: It’s the WORDS & the HOW

2019-04-03T14:25:18+00:00Attitude, Communication|

If you are like most couples, when you are having difficulties you say “We just aren’t communicating. Guess what? That is almost true. It is not that you’re not communicating. It is that the words you use toward each other, or don’t use, and how you use them that is the real culprit.   Susan and I recently led a pre-marital class at our church. One week we had been asked to discuss communication. And it ends up people really are interested and feel that it is a real problem. But what ended up as the focus of discussion in the class was not about the same old techniques, like [...]

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