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News to Me: Respect is More Important Than Communication

2018-09-14T22:00:48+00:00Communication|

We all have moments of disagreement, conflict, misunderstanding and lack of communication.  If you can dig down and get to the underlying reason for disagreement or conflict many times, it’s about how we didn’t communicate well enough. Our spouse or significant other didn’t really understand and hear what we were trying to tell them. Miscommunication and misunderstanding are often blamed when a couple gets divorced, separated, or even just starts to head down the path to a disconnected and less than satisfying relationship. However, in a recent study of 1500 people who have been happily married for more than 20 years, they cited mutual RESPECT as the reason for their [...]

Falling Back Into Love

2018-09-06T23:24:28+00:00Hope, Love|

How often have your heard someone say, “I love him/her, but I’m not IN love anymore”? Or, maybe you’ve said this, and have gone through these thoughts and feelings yourself. Did you know that this is a common experience that many couples have in their marriage? Seasons like this can feel hopeless. And while we are in this state, because our feelings seem so strong, our emotions seem like the only truth; we can’t grasp that our feelings might and in fact can change. We cannot even picture being in love with this person again. It feels like and seems like our love is lost and it cannot be regained. [...]

Practical and Unparalleled Steps on How to Care for Your Spouse

2018-08-31T15:15:39+00:00Care, Communication|

Emotional disconnection or disengagement in relationships happens when there is an lack of positive actions, attitudes and affection toward the partners. In other words, caring is not there. It’s this gradual feeling of growing apart. A loss of the sense of closeness between the couple. And one or both don’t feel loved and appreciated. This sense of not feeling cared for by your spouse is usually a drift that happens when couples are unresponsive or emotionally unavailable to one another. They don’t seem, or act, like close friends and don’t make many moves toward their partner to “soothe” them when things are difficult. So, how do I take practical actions [...]

How to Trim Tech for Terrific Couple Connection

2018-08-25T01:09:45+00:00Communication, Connection|

I was recently working on a blog for Mike.  We were finding a picture to portray couples who connect and communicate well with each other. So I searched our photo software using “connected couples.” Wow, that was an eye-opener. 90% of the pictures that came back were couples using electronics together. It seems, that at least in the eyes of the photographer or according to the ones who define the photo’s “search words” that “connected” couples are connected by technology. While that is true in a technical sense, we know that people do not find true relational connection by using their phone.  Either while at the dinner table or sitting [...]

Do You Feel Unloved In Your Most Important Relationship?

2018-08-17T14:16:19+00:00Anger, Love|

“Most of mankind’s misery stems from feeling unloved.” I read this quote the other day and felt a deep sense of sadness and the truth it conveys. So much of the pain, sorrow, and desperation we see revolves around feeling unloved. Under that heading of unloved comes these subheadings: Unaccepted Ashamed Below Hurt Insecure Angry Less Than Inferior Worthless These feelings of being unloved stem from a multitude of emotional injuries in our lives that may or may not get resolved. But there is always hope, and there are ways of addressing those feelings and being able to navigate relationships in a healthy way. However, it’s not an easy road, [...]

Long Term Costs of Not Repairing After a Fight

2018-08-10T15:56:11+00:00Anger, Conflict|

I just had to share this situation that I recently read about. It speaks on a deep heart level about the people we truly are versus who we are in public. Tell me how you’d feel and let me know what you believe should happen to repair after this fight. In my first years of marriage, my wife and I got into a disagreement while visiting a family member’s home. We went to the guest room to hash it out privately, but we had no idea how badly we were about to embarrass ourselves. While in the guest room, our tempers flared. Unfortunately, I became particularly disrespectful until suddenly, my [...]

5 More Top Themes Great Relationships Have in Common

2018-08-03T22:54:08+00:00Communication, Connection|

Last week we said that all couples share lots of similarities when it comes to conflicts and problems in their connected relationships. Couples fall into the same types of habits over time. In part one we looked at 5 of the top themes that couples who are in stable, happy relationships have in common, they: • Are not “ok with fighting” • Don’t fall into the “communication traps” • Have “safe” relationships • Talk and try to understand at a “deeper level” • “Repair” miscommunications or arguments Let’s take a look at some more of the positive patterns or themes couples demonstrate when they maintain close, connected relationships with one [...]

5 Themes Connected Relationships Share

2018-07-27T18:22:39+00:00Communication, Connection|

It is fascinating how many similarities we all share when it comes to conflicts and problems in relationships. Couples fall into the same types of habits over time. Of course, all couples are unique in some respects due to the various situations and events they have encountered throughout their time together. But our natural “humanity” seems to group these patterns of conflict together. Rather than show the common mistakes couples make, let’s take a look at the positive side; the patterns or themes couples demonstrate when they maintain close, connected relationships with one another. Couples in stable, happy relationships:  Are not “ok with fighting” […]

Where are your “Green Chairs” – Place of Connection

2018-07-19T23:18:24+00:00Communication|

About 15 years ago, Susan’s parents were redecorating their home. They remodeled and bought new furniture and generally made some great improvements. That’s where the “green chairs” come in. I was welcome in their cozy home even before I started dating Susan, and as long as I had been there they had always had this pair of not-quite-neon-green chairs. They were truly fantastic! Wide, soft, comfortable chairs that you just wanted to camp out in. And so we did! Often! After we got married and moved away, we would travel back to their home for quick weekend getaways or vacations. We would sit together in those chairs enjoying the quiet [...]

10 Surprising Ways to Increase Romance

2018-07-14T14:01:52+00:00Communication, Intimacy|

Romance is an interesting word. It conjures up all kinds of thoughts for both men and women: candlelight, soft music, longing looks. Some might even think of a walk in the park or a bike ride together. But no matter how you see it, romance is really the act of pursuing each other; it’s a longing to be with someone and acting in a way that makes that person desire to be with you. Romance before marriage is usually pretty easy—there were no kids to distract you, no pressures of finances to fight over, no annoying habits to live with. After marriage, these things start to eat away at your longing [...]

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