With all the buzz these days about each new phase of Artificial Intelligence it’s easy to get anxious about where software will take-over next for humans. Google is revolutionizing the audio synthesis world using Tacotron 2. This computer-generated speech is virtually indistinguishable from the human voice.

There are some perceived advantages to this text-to-voice synthesis I’m sure. Boring jobs can be replaced by recorded information. Think about Siri and Alexa and how this in home AI revolution has changed in just a few years. No need to type your question into Google, just ask one of the AI girls the question of the moment. That technology was unheard of just a few years ago.

But who is helping us synthesize relationships?

Who is helping us figure out the better way to communicate and relate to the important people in our lives so that we can step up our Relationship Intelligence?

The fact is, human relationships are messy. There are hundreds of variables that make up WHO WE ARE. Everything from where we are born to our current level of health can have a huge impact on how we relate to other people and how we relate to ourselves.


Where you were born                                   Relationship with grandparents
What year you were born                             Spiritual influence from others
How healthy you were as a baby                  Appreciation of the Arts
Raised by a 1 or 2 parents                            Exposure to civic organizations
Affirmed as a person or shamed                  Took lessons (sports or other)
Enough to eat or hungry                              Participated with a team
Successful in school or struggle                   Have an educational mentor
Siblings or only child                                    Lived in city, suburbs, or country
Pets or not                                                    Did chores within family
Had a home or not                                       Money to spend on wants
Stable or transient home                              Freedom to make decisions
Valued as a person                                        Influence of teachers
Felt safe                                                        Home life instability

The list could go on almost endlessly of the things you’ve experienced PLUS your view of those things that make up the person you are today. These variables make up the amazing, wonderful person you are and help define why you look, act, feel, and behave like you do. It’s no wonder that Relationship Intelligence is so complex. There are so many facets to who we are as individuals. We are very complex and because of this it’s hard to get a grip on who we really are and who this other person is that we’re in relationship with.


1) Set aside time to be together – just the two of you
2) Ask interesting and engaging questions
3) Be curious about them and what makes them think the way they do
4) Listen to what they say but even more, listen to why they say it
5) Have fun together – like when you were dating

By getting to know your spouse better and by reconnecting with the person you originally fell in love with you’ll get a renewed satisfaction from your marriage. Your spouse will too. By doing these few things, you will remind each other of what attracted you to one another way back when.
Plus you also now understand so much more about one another that you can ask deeper more intentional questions about their history, their beliefs, and their dreams.