We’ve covered a lot of ground on unhealthy marriage patterns in our last few blog posts. From introducing you to the fear dance to understanding the good and bad of building walls and the importance of genuinely caring for your spouse, we’ve learned that it’s critical to break negative cycles — both as individuals and couples — to have a healthy marriage.

At the heart of this entire conversation is the determining factor in our ability to make healthy choices — the ability or inability to understand each other and be better at emotional communication fully.


Emotions are the Voice of the Heart

We love the saying above from the National Institute of Marriage in Branson, Missouri. Not only because it’s true but also because it validates what we’ve said before about listening to our spouse’s heart when it’s talking to us. All too often, we look only at what’s on the surface of whatever conflict is going on in our relationship. Instead, we need to look deeper at the emotions that have led us to this situation — because there’s always more going on underneath.


When we fully understand one another at the emotional level and pay attention to the condition of our hearts, we can:

  • Work at building a foundation of trust, so each person has room for who he or she is and how he or she feels
  • Relax and become more open and cooperative
  • Trust that when the voice of the heart is valued, our heart and spirit will remain open.


But Mike and Susan, that all sounds too easy to be true. It sounds easy because it is. Being better at emotional communication is entirely up to us. We can choose how we will act in our relationships, so the question becomes, will you choose to act in ways that hinder or enhance your relationship?


Stay Stuck or Move Ahead in Emotional Communication

  • Are you staying stuck in a relationship, or will you determine to work through the problem areas?
  • Will you hold onto your resentment, or will you choose to face that resentment and find freedom from it?
  • Do you hurt the other person when he or she hurts you, or will you choose to look beyond the hurt and repair instead?
  • Will you run when a relationship gets sticky, or will you choose to honor the relationship by facing the problem?
  • Do you look at yourself through a distorted lens, or will you choose to see yourself as God sees you?


Emotions are a Lens to our Soul

All we are saying is that emotions inform us about our needs and deepest beliefs. It’s our body’s way of telling us that we need something, so see them as information! Identify your feelings; be open to your spouse when they identify their feelings. This mutual understanding is the best way to be better at emotional communication.


Our heart is devoted to caring about people and marriages!

Our heart is and always has been devoted to caring about people.  We want to ensure you have a safe and connected marriage. The best way we know how to do that is by spreading the word to more people and let them know that we are here.


What do you think? Do you have a safe and connected marriage? What are some ways you and your spouse have gotten on the same page?  Have you taken a step or two to get connected on a deep and meaningful emotional level? As a result, have you both been able to slowly bring your walls down over the years? Send us a quick email and let us know how you did it so that others can learn as well! mike@MikeandSusanDawson.com.