Damaging Patterns of Communicating in Conflict

2022-01-23T20:38:23+00:00Communication|

Many of us like to think we’ve got our spouses figured out. After all, we’re around each other constantly, so it’s only natural that we listen, observe each other’s behavior, and remember things about each other simply because we see it every day. We recognize traits, patterns, experiences, behaviors, qualities, etc., and then draw conclusions that make us think we know what they “really mean” by their words and actions. We think we know each other better than anyone. But do we really? Furthermore, is this healthy, or are these dangerous patterns hurting our ability to communicate? Damaging Patterns As we dive into another new year, it’s important to recognize [...]

How Could My Expectations set my Spouse up for Failure?

2020-11-23T22:37:26+00:00Communication, Expectations|

One thing I see with couples, regardless of whether they’re recently married or have been together for years, is that they build up quite a few expectations and assumptions about each other. While some of that is okay, the majority of those assumptions are unrealistic and lead to a greater chance of disappointment and frustration that will hurt the marriage. A perfect example is a story I like to tell about a newlywed couple who both come from very different backgrounds. The wife grew up in a family where her father was Mr. Fit It. It didn’t matter if a door latch was broken or the lawnmower wouldn’t start. He [...]

Is Stress Affecting Your Most Important Relationships?

2017-11-07T20:14:20+00:00Stress|

It seems like everyone has stress. But honestly, it really is a natural part of being human. When our life’s events and circumstances tax us beyond what we can cope with, stress is the result. Stressors are external events which cause an emotional or physical reaction. The impact of the things we experience depends on whether we perceive the events positively or negatively. “Psychological stress is the mismatch between an individual’s  coping skills and the demands of the environment.” – Dan McGee Conflict    Demands    Fear    Assumptions    Expectations    Time Pressures    Physical and Emotional Pain These are only a few of the components linked to our stress. They certainly cause a sense of [...]

WEEKEND WARRIOR – Moving the To Do List to the Ta Da List

2017-07-20T23:31:07+00:00Expectations, Friendship, Strategy|

Most weekends Mike and I have some time off together.  We are married, mutually responsible home owners, entrepreneurs and parents. This gives us ample opportunity each weekend to have an entire list of tasks/projects and expectations to accomplish them. Add to that: attending worship, finding social time together and enjoying friends, and we have enough to fill up way more than 2 days. Our usual MO is to make a running list of tasks and projects that we keep on the counter and mark things off of as they are completed. This method accomplishes several things: […]

Get Ahead in Relationships by Testing Assumptions and Expectations

2017-07-13T15:10:33+00:00Expectationis|

Ever been completely wrong? Maybe you assume all politicians or car salesmen were alike and then you actually have a really great experience with someone who changes your mind. You realize your expectations and assumptions were a generalized perspective, and now your reality is different. We’ve said before that each of us has our own perspective based on our own experiences throughout our lifetime, but it is a subjective reality. Here’s another way to say it: Our perspectives are not necessarily based on facts or truth, but on assumptions and expectations! […]

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