Do you ever wish you had paid it forward just a little more with your wife? Given a little more attention to that conversation or request for some help. Sometimes life gives you just that opportunity to help your wife feel more cherished. If you’re running a little short on inspiration, here’s your cheat sheet to CHERISH YOUR WIFE!
If you’re a wife and want your hubby to read this, print the list and just leave it lying around. Maybe he’ll take the hint. Better yet, check out the blog, “20 Ways to Make Your Hubby Feel Loved and Respected”. Implement a few of those ideas, and he might come up with some of his own…
This story and some of the suggestions are shared from a post by Janel Breitenstein and the Family Life website. It’s just too good not to share.
An old story told from the island of Kiniwata relates the account of a man known as Johnny Lingo.
Johnny and how his Cherished Wife Changed over time
Johnny was the youngest and strongest man from the island, Johnny shocked the islanders by paying the father of his bride not the traditional two to three cows for his wife, or even the four to five cows for an exceptional wife. For Sarita, he paid eight. No one could understand: “It would be a kindness to call her plain. She was skinny, walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked. Basically, she was scared of her own shadow.” Eight cows? The entire island laughed at the audacity.
Curious about the story, writer Patricia McGerr visited Johnny’s home. She was fascinated by what she describes as the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen. She wrote about this in a Woman’s Day article, Johnny Lingo and the Eight Cow Wife, “the lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, and the sparkle of her eyes all spelled a pride to which no one could deny her the right.”
When McGerr later pressed Johnny Lingo for his reasoning, he explained, “Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she’s worth more than any other woman in the islands. The way a man cherishes his wife has a lasting effect on her beauty and mental well-being.
God cherishes us in much the same way. He showers with a love that is unconditional and never-ending. He sees you and me as the unique, valuable, and loveable people he created us to be. God’s love is not based on our actions or accomplishments but is a free gift given to all who seek Him. He is always present to comfort, guide, and encourage anyone who seeks him through life’s challenges and struggles. What a great spiritual example of cherishing someone.
No one should expect to be perfect in the way we cherish each other but using God’s example, let’s look as some very practical ways to do just that!
How do you cherish your wife?
Below are some suggestions to get you started.
1) Take care of the kids for a day so that she can have a personal spiritual retreat to recharge.
2) Listen to her sincerely: Turn Towards her (read more here). Observe her words, body language, and circumstances in order to compassionately understand her. Make eye contact and ask thoughtful questions, like…How did that affect you? Will you tell me more about that? Why do you think that happened?
3) Make a playlist with songs that specifically encourage things you love about her. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT MIKE WILL PLAY MY SPOTIFY PLAYLIST WHEN WE’RE OUT RUNNING ERRANDS. SO SWEET!
4) Identify your wife’s “Love Language” Discover Your Love Language by Gary Chapman and then show her love in the way that speaks most intimately to her instead of how you like to be loved. MIKE’S #1 IS PHYSICAL TOUCH (SURPRISE) – MINE IS QUALITY TIME!
5) Allow your wife to set your standard of beauty, and make it clear to her that she is secure. Your eyes are only for her. Security breeds confidence.
6) Talk through your budget together. Make sure you both have the resources you need to care for your family well. Esteem the wise financial decisions she makes. WHEW – BUDGET CONVERSATIONS ALWAYS MAKE ME TIRED BUT IN THE END WE BOTH FEEL SATIFIED THAT WE’RE WORKING IN THE SAME DIRECTION WITH THE SAME GOALS.
7) Gently protect her. Lovingly help her set boundaries with her time, energy, resources, and relationships (kids and mothers-in-law included).
8) Be a student of her body. Ask her, both while you’re in bed and at a completely separate private time, how you can please her sexually and make her feel secure and beautiful.
9) Give her a massage – one that doesn’t lead to sex, unless she’s clear that making love is what she would enjoy most.
And 10 more ways to Cherish your Wife
10) Send a text or email, “Praying for you today.” or “Thanks for being so courageous in ________.”
11) Be proactive about doing something together that she really enjoys. Make a date, get her excited, and share her enthusiasm! CAN I SAY, “TICKETS TO THE BALLET!” “YES”
12) Tell her the areas she’s gifted in. Don’t stretch the truth: Be honest so she can trust you.
13) Post on her Facebook wall: “I love being your husband. You still take my breath away.”
14) Have your children write her notes or letters about what they love about her as a mom.
15) Remind her of the amazing impact she has on other people and give specific examples.
16) Play together: Paintball, laser tag, sand volleyball. Have a picnic, go to the drive-in, outdoor concert…
17) Clean or organize something of yours she finds messy
18) Talk about her fears – both deep and small. Over time, lead her as you work together to replace those fears with faith in God as expressed in His Word.
19) Be an advocate for her rest. Gently help her to evaluate and set limits on her to-do list, reminding her that she loves others best when she takes time to replenish. POOL DAY, SPA DAY, NO PLANS DAY (meaning no expectations of going anywhere, cooking, working out – nothing)
20) When she messes up, respond with the kind of grace, compassion, and mercy that God gives us. Respond in a way that communicates, “You’re safe with me and I’m not going to rehash your failures. This is a secure place for you to grow and I love the journey with you.” MIKE IS A MASTER HERE! JUST SAYING
WANT TO GO DEEPER: Do you struggle with drifting in a mediocre marriage? You’re not alone, and you don’t have to live that way anymore. Our free Brain/Heart Connection mini course will equip you with practical skills to improve your communication, deepen your connection, and create a fulfilling marriage.
Tell us below in the comments below, one tip you’re going to try to Cherish your Wife!
