A Man’s Greatest Need: RESPECT

2021-05-31T20:05:17+00:00Respect|

In all my years as a counselor, I continue to see that the differences between spouses cause us the most conflict. On the surface, we just think our spouse is being difficult on purpose. But in reality, we each have very specific needs that aren’t being met, which leads to fighting. It’s only when couples understand that there is a deeper meaning behind those differences that they learn to adjust how they think about their spouse. In turn, their attitudes and actions moving forward make the relationship close, connected, and happy. The books for women only and for men only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn are excellent resources to help [...]

Turning Regret Into Gratitude

2018-06-29T12:08:56+00:00Emotion|

“It’s not joy that makes us grateful, its gratitude that makes us joyful.” Ever have regrets? Carry them around with you all the time? But, what about the value of your regrets? Value of regret?  If you are like most of us, regrets usually lead us toward a foul mood. They make us feel like a failure, and it is hard to take our minds off of the negative circumstances and events that we now regret. Regret tends to make us focus on ourselves and becomes self-condemning, that feeling of being a failure. When we focus on our performance, it is easier for us to look for ways to improve [...]

Could Changing the Way You Talk about Fear, Change Your Belief about Who you ARE?

2017-11-02T18:52:40+00:00Fear, Identity|

“I have fear.” There’s a common mistranslation that causes us trouble. We say, “I am afraid,” as if the fear IS us, forever. We don’t say, “I am a fever” or “I am a sore foot.” NO, in those cases, we acknowledge that it’s a temporary condition, something we have, at least for now, but won’t have forever. “Right now, I have fear about launching this project,” is quite different from, “I’m afraid.” The blog above, by Author and Blogger Seth Godin [Read Blog] caused me to really think about how I talk about myself. I find it compelling because I have used or heard these phrases used many times [...]

5 Steps to Relational Safety

2018-01-30T15:58:40+00:00Relationships, Safety|

Last time we examined what a safe relationship might look or sound like; and what skills we can learn and practice to help the relationships in our lives. That if we are going to thrive, our marriages or other close relationships must remain a safe environment. This focus we are talking about is not physical, but emotional and relational safety. If you haven’t already, go back and evaluate what we said emotional and relational safety sounds like. Such as: My feelings, ideas, and concerns matter. We honor one another. Anger is not out of control. I don’t feel judgment, but understanding and compassion. Discover together what you do, or don’t [...]

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