How Could My Expectations set my Spouse up for Failure?

2020-11-23T22:37:26+00:00Communication, Expectations|

One thing I see with couples, regardless of whether they’re recently married or have been together for years, is that they build up quite a few expectations and assumptions about each other. While some of that is okay, the majority of those assumptions are unrealistic and lead to a greater chance of disappointment and frustration that will hurt the marriage. A perfect example is a story I like to tell about a newlywed couple who both come from very different backgrounds. The wife grew up in a family where her father was Mr. Fit It. It didn’t matter if a door latch was broken or the lawnmower wouldn’t start. He [...]

Retirement and How It May Affect Your Marriage

2018-07-23T18:33:33+00:00Expectations, Relationships|

Retirement is a huge subject of concern for 10,000 Baby Boomers who turn 65 every day and have hit or are about to transition to this next stage of life. As a couple, there are some basic relationship guidelines that can help you both prepare for this stage and make the move less stressful. It may even make retirement fun. I know lots of couples who have made the transition (maybe not super smoothly), and have grown closer as a couple as they learned to thrive in this new stage of life. Good Things about Retirement: 1) More time together to pursue common interests (travel, family, sports, hobbies) 2) A [...]

Avoid Marriage Fractures by Discussing Expectations

2018-09-09T18:17:08+00:00Communication, Expectations|

Think of something you treasure. It might be a valuable heirloom clock, a Civil War gun passed down through the family, your great grandmother’s china, or a handkerchief given to you by your mother on your wedding day.  What would your expectations be about protecting this treasure. What words would you use to describe this treasure? VALUABLE, CHERISHED, SPECIAL, ONE-OF-A-KIND SENTIMENTAL, HEIRLOOM, PRICELESS All of these words could be used to describe something you hold dear and precious. Typically we take good care of these items by keeping them safe. We store them for use on special occasions and make sure they don’t get abused. So if this is the [...]

Do you believe in the Marriage Fairytale?

2018-01-13T00:27:10+00:00Expectationis, Marriage|

A fairy tale is a short story that features fantasy, and usually has an “unusually blessed happy ending”.  Plus it’s a far-fetched story. Let’s face it. Anyone who has lived with a mother and father, or has been married knows that marriage is not a fairytale.  Scene from Princess Bride. Many times, first time couples go into it thinking it is going to be all “roses” and beautiful sunsets. They may think they understanding that it can be difficult, however they just can’t see a vision for the reality of real life that will come their way. In other words, you don’t know, what you don’t know, until you know it. [...]

Imagine Your Happy Family Holiday

2017-12-22T14:24:43+00:00Expectations, Family|

“If you knew my family you would understand”!! Recently I heard from a young woman who was sad and rather depressed about the holiday season. Her parents had passed away unexpectedly around Christmas when she young. The following years had not been happy experiences during the holidays. Her current husband’s family had some “real issues” including anger and alcohol. But family is family and she had to participate. “How can I enjoy the holidays rather than dreading them and making myself depressed”? Separation at the holidays from loved ones, a history of negative experiences and difficult people can make an otherwise joyful and celebratory holiday a real downer. But you [...]

Is Stress Affecting Your Most Important Relationships?

2017-11-07T20:14:20+00:00Stress|

It seems like everyone has stress. But honestly, it really is a natural part of being human. When our life’s events and circumstances tax us beyond what we can cope with, stress is the result. Stressors are external events which cause an emotional or physical reaction. The impact of the things we experience depends on whether we perceive the events positively or negatively. “Psychological stress is the mismatch between an individual’s  coping skills and the demands of the environment.” – Dan McGee Conflict    Demands    Fear    Assumptions    Expectations    Time Pressures    Physical and Emotional Pain These are only a few of the components linked to our stress. They certainly cause a sense of [...]

WEEKEND WARRIOR – Moving the To Do List to the Ta Da List

2017-07-20T23:31:07+00:00Expectations, Friendship, Strategy|

Most weekends Mike and I have some time off together.  We are married, mutually responsible home owners, entrepreneurs and parents. This gives us ample opportunity each weekend to have an entire list of tasks/projects and expectations to accomplish them. Add to that: attending worship, finding social time together and enjoying friends, and we have enough to fill up way more than 2 days. Our usual MO is to make a running list of tasks and projects that we keep on the counter and mark things off of as they are completed. This method accomplishes several things: […]

Get Ahead in Relationships by Testing Assumptions and Expectations

2017-07-13T15:10:33+00:00Expectationis|

Ever been completely wrong? Maybe you assume all politicians or car salesmen were alike and then you actually have a really great experience with someone who changes your mind. You realize your expectations and assumptions were a generalized perspective, and now your reality is different. We’ve said before that each of us has our own perspective based on our own experiences throughout our lifetime, but it is a subjective reality. Here’s another way to say it: Our perspectives are not necessarily based on facts or truth, but on assumptions and expectations! […]

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