Which of the three journeys are you on in your marriage?

2021-05-02T20:18:37+00:00Personal Responsibility|

As we’ve learned over the last few blogs, personal change, growth, and taking care of ourselves mentally, physically, spiritually, and especially emotionally are what God wants for each of us on our journey. He wants that for us because all these things are good for us as individuals, help us be more Christ-like, and also set the foundation for having a safe and connected marriage. And all of us definitely want that, right? I was going over these elements on a Facebook Live recently. They blend perfectly with a concept that I learned from the National Institute of Marriage on the marriage journey. There are three distinct journeys that make [...]

How to be Assertive with Wants and Needs in Your Relationship

2021-01-19T23:18:08+00:00Attitude, Communication|

A dear friend shared with us recently that he and his wife had a significant breakthrough in improving their communication. They’ve been married for 15 years, and both of them love each other very much. But his wife — she’s the most selfless person you’d ever meet — struggled with being assertive. Rather than ask for what she wanted and needed from him and their relationship, she stayed quiet, assuming he’d read her mind. Here’s the problem: he’s not a mind-reader, no matter how much he adores her. He was clueless about what she wanted, and she started feeling like he simply didn’t care. It wasn’t until they sat down [...]

Taking personal responsibility for your thoughts and behaviors

2020-08-12T18:41:31+00:00Heart, Personal Responsibility|

As we learned last week, the first thing couples should do when they’re having issues in their relationship is to start with the heart. After all, the heart is the center of everything we do, feel, think, and desire — it should be honored and treasured. The next logical step then is to take personal responsibility for our thoughts and behaviors.   Taking personal responsibility might sound obvious on paper, but how often have you been in a heated argument and focused all your energy, anger, and emotions on what your spouse is doing or not doing? The answer is all the time!   “She started it!”  “I can’t believe [...]

The First Hidden Secret of Great Communication

2019-04-17T19:52:03+00:00Attitude, Communication|

Last time we made these discoveries regarding couples engaging in great communication: (here are the Cliff Notes) Effective communication requires skills developed with practice and perfected through trial and error! Communication is real when there is win-win, and teamwork Effective communication is when we listen to and speak with the heart. We must allow the feelings of our spouse to “touch” us. Creating a sense of safety and openness builds trust in the relationship. The goal is to fully understand one another at the emotional level! Beginning communication with problem solving can be a waste of time We must learn to differentiate between issues and events   But there are [...]

Focus in the Right Direction for Relationship Influence

2017-06-29T21:03:41+00:00Relationships|

Remember Lucy in the cartoon “Peanuts” by Charles Schultz? She would always ‘tee up’ the football for Charlie Brown, convince him to try to kick it, and then pull it out before he did. Charlie Brown always ended up flat on his back. For all the times Lucy convinced him to try again, she always turned the blame back on Charlie Brown. It is often this way with couples and their relationship, the focus for change is in the wrong direction. Cade and Bea had difficulty talking, and when they did it would escalate and get negative quickly. They each had a laundry list of things the other did, didn’t [...]

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