Emotion

Better Relationships-Understanding Emotion and Going Deeper! (EI Part 1)

Glenn Kimball2024-01-08T01:17:35-06:00Emotion|

OOPS! Your Feelings are showing! Ever been in a conversation with your spouse and before you know it the tears are just flowing. Or their face turns red and the anger and escalation just pours out! Maybe the shoulders slump and the face goes down. Now your partner is leaving the room in a hurry. Can you relate? What’s happening? In situations like these we usually are aware of the actions or behaviors our partners exhibit. But we rarely perceive the emotions that are being experienced, much less understand what is really taking place deeper inside our partner. Often while working with couples, as they process difficult experiences together, some [...]

Comments Off

The Key to Crushing Conflict

Glenn Kimball2024-01-08T01:17:40-06:00Conflict, Emotion|

I have always loved pithy little sayings, cute quips and wise proverbs. One of the things I’ve noticed most of them have in common is that they are generally very telling about our humanity. And they also have a lot to say about how we talk and act toward each other! A wise spouse shows how smart they really are, by saying little; And a spouse who is understanding, controls their temper! Now that’s my version of Proverbs 17:27 as it relates to understanding first, then advice; an essential key to conflict for couples if they want to be self-controlled, not fight, and actually accomplish something together when they have [...]

Comments Off

Is Your Brain or Body in Control when you Fight?

Glenn Kimball2024-01-08T01:17:43-06:00Emotion, Flood, Relationships|

“We can’t even talk without fighting.” “I get so angry, I can’t see straight.” “It’s like we go from zero to sixty!” “I don’t even remember what we were fighting about, but I know it was ridiculous.” Ever said these words or felt this way about your spouse or partner? We hear from couples whose whole lives together have been characterized by these words and these kinds of scenarios. What should just be a simple conversation or discussion becomes a fight. Couples begin to live like they are enemies and adversaries rather than friends and lovers. The problem is likely “Diffuse Physiological Arousal” according to John Gottman, more commonly called [...]

Comments Off

Communication Transformation

Glenn Kimball2024-01-08T01:17:46-06:00Communication, Emotion|

Frustrated by not being able to talk? Tired of finding that your attempts at problem solving just lead to negativity and high drama? Overwhelmed by conversations that always go south? We see this problem in both counseling sessions and in marriage groups. We hear all too often, “we just can’t talk without it becoming an argument or a fight.” Why do so many couples go down this road? Gary Smalley in The DNA of Relationships understands it exactly; and it’s exactly what we see with couples time and time again. He says there are four ways couples waste time and frustrate the process when it comes to having a conversation [...]

Comments Off

Understand and Handle Your Anger for Better Relationships

Glenn Kimball2024-01-08T01:17:51-06:00Emotion|

Anger is probably the most misunderstood of all our emotions. We generally think of it as more of a behavior than an emotion. Words like screaming, throwing, intimidating, and even harming, all come to mind. But anger is first of all an emotion (one that we all experience!), and it is important to differentiate between the feeling of anger and the expression or behavior of it! Anger can certainly be a powerful, controlling, and even dangerous emotion when it is not understood and dealt with through appropriate behaviors. The effect of anger on loving, intimate relationships is especially dangerous. But anger in and of itself is not bad; it is [...]

1

All Emotions are Appropriate, but not All Behaviors.

Glenn Kimball2024-01-08T01:17:52-06:00Emotion|

“You’re just being emotional” “You’re so emotional,you’re out of control” “People just use their emotions to get what they want” “Just be rational and think about it” Sound familiar? Years ago it was commonly accepted that our brain had a reasonable side and an emotional side; and some still believe that today. The idea was that we can control our emotions using reason. It’s the emotion vs. reason idea. Not True. We know today that the brain is integrated with emotion and reason, even in the Cerebral Cortex. Without emotion, higher-level problem solving does not happen very well. John Gottman says the “sense of the matter” is essential in problem [...]

Comments Off