Why Offer Forgiveness to Those Who have Hurt You Deeply?

2020-11-18T22:56:14+00:00Foregiveness|

When your spouse hurt you for the first time or broke your trust, what did you feel? We bet it was sadness, pain, shock, anger, and an oversized truckload of betrayal. But when the dust settled, and cooler heads prevailed, they expressed remorse for their actions, apologized, and asked for your forgiveness. Or maybe even, it didn’t happen quite that way. Ah, yes — forgiveness. The one thing we know that we should do but somehow remains one of the hardest things to do. Does that mean we should do the whole “forgive and forget” thing? By forgiving our spouse, does that really help the pain go away? Why should [...]

Soft Start vs. Harsh Start and Improving Your Interactions

2020-11-03T22:33:50+00:00Communication, Conflict|

A wife is sitting on the couch as her husband walks in the front door after being at the golf course all day. Before he can speak, she says, “You are always golfing with your friends! I’ve been home alone all day, and you didn’t call once.” Naturally, the husband feels attacked — even though he knows she’s right — and an argument ensues. Sound familiar? Of course it does. But is there a better way of handling this? Absolutely. It’s a little something called soft start vs. harsh start.   Soft start vs. harsh start are two ways to go about getting your point across when you’re upset. But [...]

Long Term Costs of Not Repairing After a Fight

2018-08-10T15:56:11+00:00Anger, Conflict|

I just had to share this situation that I recently read about. It speaks on a deep heart level about the people we truly are versus who we are in public. Tell me how you’d feel and let me know what you believe should happen to repair after this fight. In my first years of marriage, my wife and I got into a disagreement while visiting a family member’s home. We went to the guest room to hash it out privately, but we had no idea how badly we were about to embarrass ourselves. While in the guest room, our tempers flared. Unfortunately, I became particularly disrespectful until suddenly, my [...]

Am I a Victim or Just Blaming Someone So I can Shirk Responsibility?

2017-12-28T22:55:35+00:00Blame, Communication|

When we blame others for situations and circumstance in our lives, we give up!  Rather, we give up the right to make a change.  When the right to change is gone, there is no more hope of something different. Not long ago I got really frustrated with a perceived problem.  This is really a very 1st world issue.  We live in a lovely suburb neighborhood with curbed streets and sidewalks and yards.  In our part of town the houses are on pretty small lots and very close together.  Our neighborhood is also blessed with lots of growing families with teenage kids who are learning to drive and getting cars of [...]

Focus in the Right Direction for Relationship Influence

2017-06-29T21:03:41+00:00Relationships|

Remember Lucy in the cartoon “Peanuts” by Charles Schultz? She would always ‘tee up’ the football for Charlie Brown, convince him to try to kick it, and then pull it out before he did. Charlie Brown always ended up flat on his back. For all the times Lucy convinced him to try again, she always turned the blame back on Charlie Brown. It is often this way with couples and their relationship, the focus for change is in the wrong direction. Cade and Bea had difficulty talking, and when they did it would escalate and get negative quickly. They each had a laundry list of things the other did, didn’t [...]

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