Conflict Happens. How will you and your spouse handle it?

2021-01-26T23:08:23+00:00Communication, Conflict|

We’ve said time and again that when it comes to communication in marriage, it is imperative that we truly listen and understand each other’s heart and then honor those inner needs and wants every day. Not only will we have a safe and connected marriage as a result, but we will easily handle conflict when it inevitably arises. But wait? If we are doing all of those things, conflict shouldn’t exist. Well, not necessarily. Conflict exists anytime two people interact, and it is not bad in and of itself. How you and your spouse handle it is the important part. So, to continue our ongoing discussion on positive communication, let’s [...]

Is Stress Affecting Your Most Important Relationships?

2017-11-07T20:14:20+00:00Stress|

It seems like everyone has stress. But honestly, it really is a natural part of being human. When our life’s events and circumstances tax us beyond what we can cope with, stress is the result. Stressors are external events which cause an emotional or physical reaction. The impact of the things we experience depends on whether we perceive the events positively or negatively. “Psychological stress is the mismatch between an individual’s  coping skills and the demands of the environment.” – Dan McGee Conflict    Demands    Fear    Assumptions    Expectations    Time Pressures    Physical and Emotional Pain These are only a few of the components linked to our stress. They certainly cause a sense of [...]

Why Desires and Conflict go Hand in Hand

2017-09-28T14:23:10+00:00Conflict, Emotion|

All couples fight! We have heard it most of our lives. Therapists, self-help gurus, relationship professionals and even pastors believe it is a natural part of a couple’s life together. It’s normal. Everyone does it. Learn how to fight fair! Fighting fair to resolve conflict! 8 Commandments for fighting fair! These are only a few of the titles of well-meaning books or blogs. For sure, all couples do have conflict. But think about the meaning of the word “fight”: a violent confrontation or struggle; to attempt to harm or gain power over an adversary by blows or with weapons. Few of us would seriously consider that couples conflicts should become [...]

How to Process an Argument/Conflict Successfully

2017-07-06T14:15:18+00:00Conflict|

Does it ever feel like you have the same fight or argument or conflict over and over again? The subjects may be different, but the way you fight is the same old, same old. And the next conversation is never any better than the last one. That is a frustrating and totally exhausting way to have a relationship! It is no secret that most couples just do not have the skills or understanding to process an argument well. “Old habits die hard” is maybe more true in arguments than anywhere else. Paths through arguments are deeply ingrained, and so it is no wonder couples always end up at the same [...]

The Key to Crushing Conflict

2017-06-19T14:57:08+00:00Conflict, Emotion|

I have always loved pithy little sayings, cute quips and wise proverbs. One of the things I’ve noticed most of them have in common is that they are generally very telling about our humanity. And they also have a lot to say about how we talk and act toward each other! A wise spouse shows how smart they really are, by saying little; And a spouse who is understanding, controls their temper! Now that’s my version of Proverbs 17:27 as it relates to understanding first, then advice; an essential key to conflict for couples if they want to be self-controlled, not fight, and actually accomplish something together when they have [...]

Is Your Brain or Body in Control when you Fight?

2020-03-30T23:31:10+00:00Emotion, Flood, Relationships|

“We can’t even talk without fighting.” “I get so angry, I can’t see straight.” “It’s like we go from zero to sixty!” “I don’t even remember what we were fighting about, but I know it was ridiculous.” Ever said these words or felt this way about your spouse or partner? We hear from couples whose whole lives together have been characterized by these words and these kinds of scenarios. What should just be a simple conversation or discussion becomes a fight. Couples begin to live like they are enemies and adversaries rather than friends and lovers. The problem is likely “Diffuse Physiological Arousal” according to John Gottman, more commonly called [...]

Relationships are like a drink from Sonic.

2017-05-25T17:55:25+00:00Relationships|

I love drinks from Sonic. The cup is a perfect thickness, the soda is mixed just right, the red straw is fun and sturdy. But the ICE. It’s really all about the perfect chunklette that: cools your drink, but doesn’t melt too fast. hangs around a while in your cup so you can munch on it after the soda is gone. doesn’t stick together in the cup. This ice is the reason I go to Sonic to get a soda, or even just plain water. THE ICE IS THE INFLUENCER IN THIS WHOLE TRANSACTION. Relationships are kind of like a drink from Sonic. Sonic cup = relationship 2 Straws = [...]

Are you just Existing Like Roommates?

2019-09-25T19:06:57+00:00Relationships|

Are you living like roommates instead of having the intimate, close relationship you want with your spouse? There are lots of reasons why we grow apart. When Mike and I were young marrieds with a little one it was easy to do the necessary communications (work talk) to make the household functional without stopping to talk about where we were emotionally. Expressing emotions can be hard for some people, especially when you’re stretched thin by the demands of work, family, community, and other responsibilities. Trying to carve out time with your spouse to talk about deep things may even make them nervous or anxious, which creates a barrier of its [...]

The “Movie Theater” Attitude for Couples

2019-09-25T19:59:28+00:00Relationships|

We recently went to the movies, and when we came out, Susan said, “That was a good movie, I enjoyed it. It was romantic, but at times also sad.” I thought to myself, “Really? What movie did she see?” It was a great movie! On that, we agreed. But my first thoughts about it were that it was full of action and suspense. What just happened? Now, we both went to the same movie. We heard the same words and saw the same images. We listened to the same soundtrack, accompanying the same actors saying the same words. But we had two completely different interpretations. In life and apparently in [...]

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