Damaging Patterns of Communicating in Conflict

2022-01-23T20:38:23+00:00Communication|

Many of us like to think we’ve got our spouses figured out. After all, we’re around each other constantly, so it’s only natural that we listen, observe each other’s behavior, and remember things about each other simply because we see it every day. We recognize traits, patterns, experiences, behaviors, qualities, etc., and then draw conclusions that make us think we know what they “really mean” by their words and actions. We think we know each other better than anyone. But do we really? Furthermore, is this healthy, or are these dangerous patterns hurting our ability to communicate? Damaging Patterns As we dive into another new year, it’s important to recognize [...]

A Man’s Greatest Need: RESPECT

2021-05-31T20:05:17+00:00Respect|

In all my years as a counselor, I continue to see that the differences between spouses cause us the most conflict. On the surface, we just think our spouse is being difficult on purpose. But in reality, we each have very specific needs that aren’t being met, which leads to fighting. It’s only when couples understand that there is a deeper meaning behind those differences that they learn to adjust how they think about their spouse. In turn, their attitudes and actions moving forward make the relationship close, connected, and happy. The books for women only and for men only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn are excellent resources to help [...]

Putting good things into your marriage: Fondness and admiration, heart and emotional talk, meeting emotional needs

2020-09-22T18:27:20+00:00Care, Emotion|

As a counselor, I see love mainly through our actions and the words we use to show someone value and importance. In other words, it’s all about putting forth the effort — putting good things into your marriage. We can scream to the mountaintops that we love someone, but if the behaviors (fondness and admiration) don’t match or are non-existent, then their needs won’t be met. Our needs won’t be met, either. And if that happens, our sense of being in love diminishes. And, well, no one wants that, right?   We started a blog conversation two weeks ago to share different ways to create and maintain healthy marriages. The [...]

Putting good things into your marriage: Love and Respect, Appreciation and Gratitude, Treasure and Serve

2020-09-17T00:57:42+00:00Love, Respect|

Have you ever heard the term, stagnant marriage? It’s when things in your relationship no longer feel exciting and fresh. It’s not that you don’t love one another. But, you’re both kinda just … there. This is normal, by the way — we just need to find a way to snap out of it. But how do we do that? As we learned last week, you have to keep putting good things into your marriage. Whether that be small acts of kindness like texting, “I love you,” speaking each other’s love language, or doing something fun like reenacting your first date, we have to constantly show how important we are [...]

Emotional intelligence and why we need more in our marriage

2020-07-08T00:34:25+00:00Emotion|

Raise your hand if you did a double-take when you heard the term emotional intelligence for the first time. I mean, who can be emotional and intelligent at the same time, especially when you consider emotions travel at warp speed? One minute, everything is fine between you and your spouse, and the next, she’s crying, you’re yelling, and neither of you has a clue what just happened, whose fault it is, or the wherewithal to understand where each other is coming from. While emotional intelligence sounds foreign, the importance of it is more obvious than you think. Emotional intelligence is the ability to make your emotions work for you rather [...]

6 Healthy Tips To Establish Boundaries In Your Marriage

2020-03-26T22:48:41+00:00boundaries, Relationships|

Having to sit with someone and finally get what’s been bothering us off our chest is never easy, especially when that person is our spouse. It’s funny because, in the back of our mind, we know darn right that all healthy relationships have boundaries. Boundaries keep the good in and the bad out. Yet, we agonize over what the best way is to establish boundaries in our marriage.   “Should I be assertive? But I also don’t want to offend my husband.” “How will my wife react?” “How will my words be perceived?” “I shouldn’t say anything. Maybe I should just leave well enough alone!”   Boundaries are characterized by [...]

News to Me: Respect is More Important Than Communication

2018-09-14T22:00:48+00:00Communication|

We all have moments of disagreement, conflict, misunderstanding and lack of communication.  If you can dig down and get to the underlying reason for disagreement or conflict many times, it’s about how we didn’t communicate well enough. Our spouse or significant other didn’t really understand and hear what we were trying to tell them. Miscommunication and misunderstanding are often blamed when a couple gets divorced, separated, or even just starts to head down the path to a disconnected and less than satisfying relationship. However, in a recent study of 1500 people who have been happily married for more than 20 years, they cited mutual RESPECT as the reason for their [...]

20 Ways to Inspire Your Husband

2017-10-12T16:01:45+00:00Communication, Relationships|

Ever wonder how to give your man that little lift he needs during a hard week or time in life? Everyone goes through trials whether they come in the form of challenges or changes. And anyone- especially your hubby- can use some encouragement along the way. It’s no secret that men often feel like they are living a lie about who they really are and what they are capable of. In her book For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn sights multiple surveys she conducted personally. She talked with men from all walks of life and she concludes that a majority of men just need a little inspiration in their lives to [...]

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