Do Differences Divide Your Relationship or Can You Accept Them as Normal?

2021-10-21T15:06:40+00:00Difference|

Raise your hand if you’ve said or thought this before: “If everyone were more like me, this world would be a much better place.” Wow! Everyone’s hand is up — not really surprising. After all, there wouldn’t be any more differences if everyone was like you. We’d think the same, react the same, make the same decisions, share the same values and beliefs. We’d all be right. There wouldn’t be any more conflict or division. Wow. What a time to be alive! Sign me up! As great as that sounds, we have to face reality and realize that our differences aren’t the problem. We are created differently for a reason. [...]

Pathways to Emotional Denial or Emotional Health

2019-02-15T22:21:26+00:00Emotion, Identity|

Just the other day, I was wondering how I go from “something happening” to “getting mad”, at warp speed.  Do you ever feel this way?  Made me want to explore this lightening speed emotional roller coaster so maybe I could prevent saying or doing things that I regret later. So, I went to my immediate expert – Mike Dawson to talk about how this happens in our human brains and how, perhaps, understanding the process might help keep my foot out of my mouth… Mike explained the way the brain process works this way.  First you have an event, something that happens, then you think about how you’ll react to [...]

Can shutting down Emotion help me stay in control?

2018-01-05T21:47:53+00:00Control, Emotion|

Emotions are essential to all logical decision making.  Years ago it was commonly accepted that our brain had a reasonable side and an emotional side.  The thought was that we controlled our emotions with reason.  So how can we handle our emotions and still make high level decisions? It’s the last week of the quarter and sales numbers are not where they should be according to the goals set by corporate.  The regional office is buzzing with activity as all associates are trying to close that last deal to make those corporate goals.  There’s electricity in the air that you can almost feel as everyone is digging in to find [...]

Smiling Really Does Show the World All the Love in Your Heart

2017-10-19T23:51:00+00:00Love|

You've got to get up every morning With a smile in your face And show the world all the love in your heart Then people gonna treat you better You're gonna find, yes you will That you're beautiful, as you feel Lyrics from Beautiful by Carole King These lyrics above may bring to mind an image of a 70’s music festival where everyone “loves” each other and all is right with the world.  Actually, this Carole King song was originally released in 1971 and the world was 2 years post-Woodstock but currently experiencing inflation at 4.3%, Voting age had just been lowered to 18 in the US and the Vietnam [...]

Why Desires and Conflict go Hand in Hand

2017-09-28T14:23:10+00:00Conflict, Emotion|

All couples fight! We have heard it most of our lives. Therapists, self-help gurus, relationship professionals and even pastors believe it is a natural part of a couple’s life together. It’s normal. Everyone does it. Learn how to fight fair! Fighting fair to resolve conflict! 8 Commandments for fighting fair! These are only a few of the titles of well-meaning books or blogs. For sure, all couples do have conflict. But think about the meaning of the word “fight”: a violent confrontation or struggle; to attempt to harm or gain power over an adversary by blows or with weapons. Few of us would seriously consider that couples conflicts should become [...]

10 Question Quiz to Move You Ahead with Emotional Intelligence

2022-04-08T12:42:44+00:00Emotion|

Do you ever wonder, “Could I be better at what I do daily?  Is there a way for me to get ahead in life that won’t take a year of therapy?”  Possibly…. Below is a 10 question quiz which will give you an idea of the skills of Emotional Intelligence.  This is not a comprehensive picture but merely a beginning.  The subject is vast – many books have been written on this subject (also called EQ).  These questions were designed by the author of Emotional Intelligence – A Practical Guide, David Walton.  I found it fascinating and hope you do to.  This could be the “Get Ahead Ticket” you’re looking [...]

The How-To Guide for Work Talk vs. Heart Talk

2017-04-14T16:09:15+00:00Communication|

Do you ever find yourself trying to communicate with your spouse and they just aren’t hearing what you’re saying? It’s like we’re speaking two different languages! The old joke goes that a wife calls her husband around 4 in the afternoon and says, “Hey, can you pick up a gallon of milk?” Husband says, “Sure, it’s only about 8 lbs.” Waaa Waaa. What we have here is a clear miscommunication. There are two different languages we speak as couples.  Work Talk and Heart Talk. WORK TALK: Work Talk is the task oriented, schedule driven, let’s get stuff done kind of communication that can help make a weekly schedule. Work Talk [...]

All Emotions are Appropriate, but not All Behaviors.

2017-12-27T20:00:27+00:00Emotion|

“You’re just being emotional” “You’re so emotional,you’re out of control” “People just use their emotions to get what they want” “Just be rational and think about it” Sound familiar? Years ago it was commonly accepted that our brain had a reasonable side and an emotional side; and some still believe that today. The idea was that we can control our emotions using reason. It’s the emotion vs. reason idea. Not True. We know today that the brain is integrated with emotion and reason, even in the Cerebral Cortex. Without emotion, higher-level problem solving does not happen very well. John Gottman says the “sense of the matter” is essential in problem [...]

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