Side-Step Miscommunication with Empathy and Generosity

2022-02-14T23:11:44+00:00Generosity, Heart|

Why is communicating with each other so difficult? Think about it: perhaps you’ve expressed a need that you want your husband to fulfill, and you think the message is clear. Yet he completely doesn’t get it or mistakes your tone for nagging. Meanwhile, your husband thinks his needs have fallen on deaf ears. You’ve essentially got two people who love each other but aren’t on the same page, and more often than not, this leads to plenty of conflicts. Miscommunication can be so overwhelming, and finding a solution seems impossible. But what I’ve found is that avoiding miscommunication in relationships starts with showing empathy and generosity. That sounds too simple [...]

6 Keys or Secrets to Great Couple Communication

2021-03-03T17:54:34+00:00Communication|

We’ve thrown a lot at you over the last few weeks and months about great couple communication. Specifically, what it should look like, how to talk through conflict when it inevitably happens, and, of course, how all of this fits into the bigger picture of having a safe and connected marriage. Say it with us one more time — positive communication is vital in marriage! It’s the only way we can truly get to know our spouse and truly respond to each other’s wants and needs.   “Two things can destroy any relationship: unrealistic expectations and poor communication.” — unknown author   Keys to Great Couple Communication Susan and I [...]

Behaviors of Love-Are you Busting or Building?

2017-11-30T17:03:32+00:00Love, Relationships|

How do you describe love? Ask ten people and you will get 10 different answers to this question about love. They will range from: A feeling Something deep and mysterious An emotion Actions you do A place that can be painful and you need to guard Lost it, long for, and must have it But most would agree LOVE IS certainly profound, multifaceted and mysterious. LOVE’S ASSOCIATIONS WITH FEELINGS As a counselor, I see love mainly through the actions in how we treat others in relationships, and also the words we use to show others value and importance. Now love itself may not be a feeling; but there are certainly [...]

Control in Marriage – The Way it Really Works

2017-11-17T15:54:30+00:00Control|

Control in marriage. Really?  You hear about it all the time, but usually in a negative connotation. “He/She is controlling.” “Everything is his/her way.” “I can’t be myself.” That’s because control in this meaning is about pressure, force, power, manipulation and sometimes even domination. But we all desire to have some control over, or in, our lives. Control is a very natural part of who we are because we are created to live free. We have a free will that desires to manage our own actions or emotions, and even the overall outcome of what our life is to be.  It’s really all about INFLUENCE Research on couples show that the [...]

8 Ways to Improve Your Intelligence!

2017-08-11T01:25:05+00:00Emotion|

The rational mind takes a few moments longer than the emotional mind to register and respond. So in an emotional situation, the heart moves first, not the head. So says Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence. But there are also emotional responses that are somewhat slower, which fester or bubble up in our thoughts first. So our thoughts or cognition more or less determine which emotions will be rising next, usually based on past experiences. In other words, our thoughts precede our feelings. […]

Is Your Brain or Body in Control when you Fight?

2020-03-30T23:31:10+00:00Emotion, Flood, Relationships|

“We can’t even talk without fighting.” “I get so angry, I can’t see straight.” “It’s like we go from zero to sixty!” “I don’t even remember what we were fighting about, but I know it was ridiculous.” Ever said these words or felt this way about your spouse or partner? We hear from couples whose whole lives together have been characterized by these words and these kinds of scenarios. What should just be a simple conversation or discussion becomes a fight. Couples begin to live like they are enemies and adversaries rather than friends and lovers. The problem is likely “Diffuse Physiological Arousal” according to John Gottman, more commonly called [...]

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