6 Keys or Secrets to Great Couple Communication

2021-03-03T17:54:34+00:00Communication|

We’ve thrown a lot at you over the last few weeks and months about great couple communication. Specifically, what it should look like, how to talk through conflict when it inevitably happens, and, of course, how all of this fits into the bigger picture of having a safe and connected marriage. Say it with us one more time — positive communication is vital in marriage! It’s the only way we can truly get to know our spouse and truly respond to each other’s wants and needs.   “Two things can destroy any relationship: unrealistic expectations and poor communication.” — unknown author   Keys to Great Couple Communication Susan and I [...]

Why couples should always start with the heart

2020-08-12T17:52:18+00:00Communication, Heart, Uncategorized|

Marriage is a gift from God. But no one said it was easy, even for those of us who think we have it all figured out. You know the feeling — one minute, everything is hunky-dory, and a shining example of a safe and connected marriage and the next, one or both of you is upset. There can be some really complicated “stuff” that got you to this point, and what makes matters worse is that even if you are both committed to working through it, you aren’t always sure where to start.  Most often we don't start with the heart. Here’s a tip from yours truly: couples should always [...]

How to Avoid Disconnect with your Spouse, using Emotional Intelligence

2019-05-10T19:25:27+00:00Emotion|

OOPS! Your Feelings are showing! Ever been in a conversation with your spouse and before you know it the tears are just flowing. Or their face turns red and the anger and escalation just pours out! Maybe the shoulders slump, the face goes down and now your partner is leaving the room in a hurry. Can you relate? What’s happening? In situations like these we usually are aware of the actions or behaviors our partners are exhibiting. But we rarely perceive the emotions that are being experienced, much less understand what is really taking place deeper inside our partner. Often while working with couples, as they process difficult experiences together, [...]

Behaviors of Love-Are you Busting or Building?

2017-11-30T17:03:32+00:00Love, Relationships|

How do you describe love? Ask ten people and you will get 10 different answers to this question about love. They will range from: A feeling Something deep and mysterious An emotion Actions you do A place that can be painful and you need to guard Lost it, long for, and must have it But most would agree LOVE IS certainly profound, multifaceted and mysterious. LOVE’S ASSOCIATIONS WITH FEELINGS As a counselor, I see love mainly through the actions in how we treat others in relationships, and also the words we use to show others value and importance. Now love itself may not be a feeling; but there are certainly [...]

8 Ways to Improve Your Intelligence!

2017-08-11T01:25:05+00:00Emotion|

The rational mind takes a few moments longer than the emotional mind to register and respond. So in an emotional situation, the heart moves first, not the head. So says Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence. But there are also emotional responses that are somewhat slower, which fester or bubble up in our thoughts first. So our thoughts or cognition more or less determine which emotions will be rising next, usually based on past experiences. In other words, our thoughts precede our feelings. […]

The “Movie Theater” Attitude for Couples

2019-09-25T19:59:28+00:00Relationships|

We recently went to the movies, and when we came out, Susan said, “That was a good movie, I enjoyed it. It was romantic, but at times also sad.” I thought to myself, “Really? What movie did she see?” It was a great movie! On that, we agreed. But my first thoughts about it were that it was full of action and suspense. What just happened? Now, we both went to the same movie. We heard the same words and saw the same images. We listened to the same soundtrack, accompanying the same actors saying the same words. But we had two completely different interpretations. In life and apparently in [...]

5 Steps to Relational Safety

2018-01-30T15:58:40+00:00Relationships, Safety|

Last time we examined what a safe relationship might look or sound like; and what skills we can learn and practice to help the relationships in our lives. That if we are going to thrive, our marriages or other close relationships must remain a safe environment. This focus we are talking about is not physical, but emotional and relational safety. If you haven’t already, go back and evaluate what we said emotional and relational safety sounds like. Such as: My feelings, ideas, and concerns matter. We honor one another. Anger is not out of control. I don’t feel judgment, but understanding and compassion. Discover together what you do, or don’t [...]

Safety is a Must for Healthy Relationships

2018-01-30T16:12:34+00:00Relationships, Safety|

A safe relationship. You might not know exactly what I mean by that, but I bet you sure know what an unsafe relationship feels like. Are you already thinking of that person? The person that makes you feel scared, closed off, or even unimportant? Is that unsafe person your spouse? If so, ok, we have work to do. Hang in there. If that unsafe person is not your spouse, hang in too. There is a huge opportunity to learn and practice some skills that will help other relationships in your life AND protect your marriage. If you are going to thrive, your marriage must remain as a safe environment. What [...]

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