Communication Archives ⋆ Page 3 of 6 ⋆ Mike and Susan Dawson

Soft Start vs. Harsh Start and Improving Your Interactions

michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com2024-01-08T01:14:00+00:00Communication, Conflict|

A wife is sitting on the couch as her husband walks in the front door after being at the golf course all day. Before he can speak, she says, “You are always golfing with your friends! I’ve been home alone all day, and you didn’t call once.” Naturally, the husband feels attacked — even though he knows she’s right — and an argument ensues. Sound familiar? Of course it does. But is there a better way of handling this? Absolutely. It’s a little something called soft start vs. harsh start. Soft start vs. harsh start are two ways to go about getting your point across when you’re upset. But [...]

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How to have stress-reducing conversations: Removing Negative Things From Your Marriage

michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com2024-01-08T01:14:02+00:00Communication, Conflict|

One thing many couples struggle with is knowing how to handle the stresses of life together. Granted, there are a lot of stressors out there — job loss, finances, horrible bosses, and chronic illness or injury being just a few. But just when you’d think we’d turn to our spouse for stress-reducing conversations, we don’t. Instead of talking, sharing, listening, and empathizing, we yell, argue, take our stress out on each other, and say hateful things in the heat of the moment. There is a lack of stress-reducing conversations. We’ve all been there, right? The initial reaction for one spouse is to lash out, which isn’t the answer. The other [...]

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Why couples should always start with the heart

michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com2024-01-08T01:14:09+00:00Communication, Heart, Uncategorized|

Marriage is a gift from God. But no one said it was easy, even for those of us who think we have it all figured out. You know the feeling — one minute, everything is hunky-dory, and a shining example of a safe and connected marriage and the next, one or both of you is upset. There can be some really complicated “stuff” that got you to this point, and what makes matters worse is that even if you are both committed to working through it, you aren’t always sure where to start. Most often we don't start with the heart. Here’s a tip from yours truly: couples should always [...]

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Would you ROCK an emotional intelligence pop quiz?

michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com2024-01-08T01:14:10+00:00Communication, Emotion|

If you ask any woman how well she thinks she’d do on an emotional intelligence pop quiz, she’d probably say, “Ha! I imagine I’d score somewhere near the top.” Ask her husband the same thing, and he’d likely say, “Contrary to popular belief, guys are more emotionally intelligent than you think. And that includes me.” Great! So let’s find out! Oh, wait — you mean there’s a quiz for that? Yes! There’s actually several. We published an emotional intelligence pop quiz a few years ago on our blog and included it again in this post. If you’ve taken it before, let’s see what’s changed. If this is your first time, [...]

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Boundaries and why they are essential for your marriage

michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com2024-01-08T01:14:48+00:00Communication, Safety|

I didn’t realize before I became a marriage counselor how many couples don’t have boundaries. Don’t get me wrong; everyone has boundaries. But in marriage, we tend to overlook their importance. We think our spouse is supposed to know our needs and wants already, or we feel having boundaries creates unhealthy walls in our marriage. On the contrary, all healthy relationships have boundaries. And it is our ability to communicate what those boundaries are — and our spouse’s ability to respect them — that keep us from allowing unhealthy feelings or actions into our relationships. Boundaries keep the good in and the bad out This is the first in a [...]

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Work Talk vs. Heart Talk: Avoiding Miscommunication In Your Marriage

michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com2024-01-08T01:14:49+00:00Communication, Heart|

A husband and his wife are sitting on the couch talking about their day when the wife says, “You wouldn’t believe what my boss did to me today!” She continues explaining her horrible experience, and, wanting to help, he rattles off solution after solution. He thinks that he’s hubby of the year right now, but to his surprise, she gets more upset. “You don’t get it,” she says. “Quit trying to fix things!” Sound familiar? This is a classic case of work talk vs. heart talk. Work talk and heart talk are the two languages we as couples speak. Each is important to ensure great communication in a marriage, but [...]

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The First Hidden Secret of Great Communication

michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com2024-01-08T01:15:04+00:00Attitude, Communication|

Last time we made these discoveries regarding couples engaging in great communication: (here are the Cliff Notes) Effective communication requires skills developed with practice and perfected through trial and error! Communication is real when there is win-win, and teamwork Effective communication is when we listen to and speak with the heart. We must allow the feelings of our spouse to “touch” us. Creating a sense of safety and openness builds trust in the relationship. The goal is to fully understand one another at the emotional level! Beginning communication with problem solving can be a waste of time We must learn to differentiate between issues and events But there are [...]

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The Hidden Secrets of Great Communication

michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com2024-01-08T01:15:04+00:00Communication, Emotion|

Effective communication requires skills that are developed through practice, and that are perfected through trial and error! Most couples who are having difficulties in their relationship feel their communication is the problem. But verbal communication is complex. Misunderstandings are common and normal. We all need patience and practice to become great communicators. Real communication happens when there is winning, and teamwork. Winning is finding and implementing solutions that both people can feel good about! This takes an open mind, good attitudes toward each other and plenty of sacrifice and compromise. Do you consider you and your spouse a “team”? If so, then day-to-day life is teamwork! Teamwork means there [...]

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Communication: It’s the WORDS & the HOW

michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com2024-01-08T01:15:05+00:00Attitude, Communication|

If you are like most couples, when you are having difficulties you say “We just aren’t communicating. Guess what? That is almost true. It is not that you’re not communicating. It is that the words you use toward each other, or don’t use, and how you use them that is the real culprit. Susan and I recently led a pre-marital class at our church. One week we had been asked to discuss communication. And it ends up people really are interested and feel that it is a real problem. But what ended up as the focus of discussion in the class was not about the same old techniques, like [...]

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How a Couple in Love gets Trapped in the Cycle of Negative Emotions

michaeldawsonlpc@gmail.com2024-01-08T01:15:08+00:00Communication|

What’s your framework for your overall feelings, thoughts, and outlook for your spouse? Do you have an underlying pattern that you attribute to them most often? Is it mostly positive, or is it generally negative? We cannot “get into” other people’s minds, and we never completely know or understand them. Or what their outlook is. And so, we watch them from the outside. We listen, observe their actions and attitudes, and remember certain things about them. We develop patterns and conclusions and file away how we see them so that we get a psychological understanding of them. It’s a combination of feelings and thoughts about what that person thinks, [...]

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